28 December 2012

Thinking about you.

I haven't written in quite some time.
I have an aunt, she's in hospital right now. She wouldn't want me to say who she is or anything like that. She's private, always has been. That's my perspective anyhow. I don't know if others feel the same way. Regardless, she would be pissed if she knew I was writing even this amount. I could be wrong. Maybe she wouldn't be mad. I bet she'd be happier if I called instead of writing about how shitty I think it is she has to be in hospital at all, let alone over the holiday season.
I was going to call on Boxing Day. I was planning to call. I told people I was going to call her on Boxing Day.
I freaked out about calling at all.
Boxing Day 2011 was the last time I had a conversation with another aunt, my Aunt Mary Anne. I was scared the same might happen with unnamed aunt - You know what? I was just thinking about her name and I don't even know what this aunt's middle name is. I'll have to ask her when I do call.
Last conversation I had with Aunt Mary Anne was on Boxing Day last year in the parking lot of the now closed Roger's Video. I was talking to her on my phone in the parking lot while she was visiting with family at my brother and sister in law's house. The new tradition started that year. I haven't been to one yet. Maybe soon.
Sitting in my car in the parking lot of the now closed Roger's she couldn't hear me very well and was going to hang up the phone without talking much - she was tired and frustrated and I think realised that time is too short to waste trying to talk to someone who isn't understandable - I said "WAIT!" and I took her off speaker phone and held the phone and stopped being so lazy about the whole thing. I knew she was sick. I wanted to talk to her.
We were on the phone maybe ten minutes, maybe it was less, maybe it was more. Our conversation was real. You know what I mean? We talked about real things and feelings and fears and realities and we were sad. We both were. I'm glad I got to talk to my Aunt Mary Anne.
Less than four months later I was flying home as she lay dying in her bed in her new home - the home she loved so much - with her family - her family she loved so much. I was blessed to be able to spend that time with her and help her and her family during that time. We were all sad. We felt real feelings and saw each other - really saw each other in those moments when the wind blew the right way and feelings shook out like leaves falling trees. It was spring though. Didn't feel right.
On the journey to Harrow I wrote something for my aunt - about my aunt. My cousin asked me to read it at her funeral. I did. I'll transcribe it here:
At times I feel as if sermons are bouncing around inside my head simply searching for an escape route. "A photo is worth a thousand words." I get it now. My Aunt Mary Anne ALWAYS had a camera strapped around her neck. She saw so clearly what so many miss. Her thoughts caught up in the silence between the image and the lens. I never heard her before - funny that - imminent death draws us closer and seeming to understand the dying just a little bit better...a little more clearly. Or at least my perception seems to have widened my peripheral to capture the voice my aunt appeared to desperately shield from the rest - she wasn't. She was showcasing for all to hear in her images captured - those images interpret the silent words collected between the lenses.

I miss her.
I'm scared for my aunt in hospital now. I shouldn't distance myself when I'm already physically so far away. I should be calling the hospital to say hello. If I'm going to be honest - I'm afraid to feel sad. I'm afraid of mortality. She deserves better than that. And so do I. She's awesome. She does call me a bitch every time I see her. I think that's just her way - and it's skinny bitch lately so it's really more of a compliment. Her way of saying "I love you." Ha!

11 September 2012

Suicide Prevention Day and thoughts.

So, that's what the day is today. I'm with Jenny Lawson when she just puts it out there, "Talking about suicide makes me think suicidal thoughts, which is probably one of the stupidest triggers in the history of the world." Get out of my head, please. Or wait, stick around, I feel alright when I resonate with the thoughts you share. And holy fuck do you ever leave me laughing my ass off.

I was trying to make my blog like super awesome. I can't do it. I just pick the templates and think I can be all creative and I think I've got it all figured out when really the hover colour ends up being so friggen bright you can't tell what the hell it says and the date and time end up a gross pink/purple colour. I spent about 45 minutes trying to figure it out and honestly, I had to go back in and just pick a basic theme and leave it as is already established colour and picture wise. I had this awesome Buddha face statue thing, but couldn't make it work. Maybe I should read those mailings out I get from Google Blogger. Something about $150.00 towards something. I just figure it's some kind of weird way of getting me to spend a lot of money. Oh well, that's what the template palate is for.

Suicide Prevention Day.

"But for today let’s talk about the positives.  Let’s talk about why we’re still here.  Let’s talk about the words that help us get through.  Let’s talk about the pictures and places and songs that saved us, because maybe they can save others." - www.thebloggess.com challenge.

Maybe I should have recorded my thoughts in the comments section. Maybe I'll just go back and answer there too. I thought this was a really cool challenge idea. We get to all share the goodness in our lives when it seemed like life wasn't as awesome as I thought it would.

First inquiry: "Let's talk about why we're still here." Love. Love is why I'm still here. Love is why I'm happy I'm still here. I must have had the hope that I would find it for myself eventually one day. It took some time I'll tell you what - but it has and my life is awesome. I feel all weird typing that out - should I? Maybe it's vulnerability. Maybe that's the feeling.

Second: "Let's talk about the words that help us get through." Honestly? Mine used to be, 'and this too shall pass'. Now the first thing I try to do is be curious when I'm feeling shitty. I think about the connections and the triggers and the interesting body complaints surfacing at nearly the same time - hmm...I know what I mean but I can't seem to express it properly. So, after I did the personal work stuff at Haven I have been learning more and more about Zen Buddhism - Brad Warner mostly. Soto. I've gotten a couple of other books that I hope to explore more fully when I decide to take the time to read them - the one in particular is Shobogenzo by Dogen. All introduced to me by Brad.

Third, Forth, and Fifth: "...pictures and places and songs that saved us...". Where do I start. I know I had two pictures of topless men holding onto babies. Funny thing about these pictures? I tried to use them to give teeth to my straightness, rather, internalized homophobia. I had them because they were hot. I did fucking not. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. I guess it took some psychology classes though. haha. Best part about growing up and forgiving the past? I realized I was wrong. Love was there all along. I just didn't recognize it. YUKON. Yukon saved me big time. Big time. Being up here in the middle of the woods has been fantastic for my body and soul and spirit and all that energy stuff. All of it. I love walking outside and seeing the natural world save paved roads and electric poles, the houses and signs along the way. Looking above all that I see the mountains, the trees, the lake, the river, the weeds, and sometimes wildlife. I have a part in it all - we all do and it's amazing. The system up here is pretty neat to blend in with. I like it. The songs are vital - the first times I really felt sad and all that - Sarah McLachlan.

And then I got a little bit older and picked this one to listen on repeat by her:

And then I found Ani Difranco because she was totally out as bi and her music is just awesome...and she's totally hot.

Ani was around for quite some time. I still listen to Sarah and smile. I finally came out and accepted it all. Now I know I'm depressed when I'm syncing Joy Division (Ian Curtis, not New Order) on my phone and iPad. Now when I'm happy I like to listen to poppy, indie music. There are so many. Right now I'm nearing the last quarter of my obsession with the album Some Nights by the band who's name is fun.. You include that period on the end. That's not just the end of the sentence. I suppose I should go back now and put a second period there so you know and now you know that I didn't make a mistake there...there might be other mistakes grammatically - okay so not might there are many errors up there...just not that specific one.

24 July 2012

A motherfucking parking TICKET. shit.

I was wondering how many swears I could work into the title of this so long time taken to write blog post. There are two and rest assured I could have included more but my mom reads this when I post.
So. The LOML and I drove to town. She was getting her hair did and I just wanted to sit at Starbucks and have a coffee and mess around on the Internet for free. Sort of free. Appears it will cost me the $10 ticket, the $5 coffee, a $10.99 digital album download (Passion Pit), plus the soon to be heard 'I told you so' which will be pointed out by the LOML. sheesh. I had just glanced outside to see if there were any parking meter minders and I saw none. I thought for sure I would see before they struck me. I guess I was wrong because it seems that they are ninjas with specific training in not being detected. Not to mention or bitch BUT they never ticketed the three people I saw parked in the handicap spot! Not to bitch though mind you. I wouldn't do that.
I should get out there and put more money in and pay the ticket before the hair appointment finishes. I can't keep a secret so I'll tell her and she'll be right. She usually is. Drives me insane! No joke.
I think you'll have to highlight, copy, paste the above URL. Apparently the iPad doesn't have the capability to use the compose option on blogger.

25 March 2012

Ding Dong the Witch is dead. Survivor 24

Okay, thank god he didn't really die because then my title would be HORRIBLE. He was just medically evacuated for acute appendicitis. OMG. I really had no idea what it was either and could really relate to Kat's complete and utter shock and fear of not knowing what appendicitis is! I just googled it and got my wiki(pedia) on. I won't even send you to the info page and I don't recommend you see it if you don't know - it sounds horrible. My sympathies to anyone who has had this happen.
Okay, let's get back to something more light-hearted. Kat did seem kind of dense at tribal. I like her, she's 'honest'.
Colton is terrible! I don't know 100% if he even realizes it. I didn't know there were people out there as mean as him and low and behold there are two of them on the same tribe - you know who you are Alicia. You know.
I couldn't believe their behaviour. I hope they watch and are embarrassed for themselves. They were so mean to Christina. She knew she was going home when they lost the challenge. She fricken couldn't have not known. They were so mean. Colton referred to Christina as the cockroach of Survivor, that no one likes her - even the girls don't like her, and that she could if she was so inclined to do so - jump into the fire. Alicia was sitting there nodding all along, petting him like he's a puppy or something. I wanted to be sick...but not really sick of course - I'm still scared of the appendicitis. 
So - they proceed to be abusive towards their peer - I'm not even kidding. I'm so ashamed for Alicia. She teaches special needs kids, right? She just seems like a bully right now and that's not cool. I'd like to see her at work. She's probably not that person. She can't be, right?
Instant karma's a bitch, Colton. A bigger bitch than you could ever be. And I'm sorry - this is your lesson for this part of your life. I hope you've grown up a titch. We see in night vision Colton being petted by Christina. It's late and he's complaining of a crazy headache. She thought it was just a stress related thing seeing as he has never been away from home...tummy ache and tension headache is all she thought it was. This continued into the daylight. Colton went on a walkabout into the woods and he didn't return. He was lying there on the ground nearly in a puddle of his own excrement and vomit. Christina freaked out when she found him and summoned medical.
Jeff showed up with the medical team. They pushed on the area just below his ribcage on the right hand side. When they did that he cried like a baby and his heart rate increased from 60 bpm to 120. Wow. So, then he started crying and the medical team determined that he could have appendicitis so he would have to be removed from the game. Colton said he didn't want to go, but m'eh...you won't be too terribly missed. I think I'll miss the fodder though.
In the middle of Colton's depressing news and illness - Jeff leans right over him, "So...uh, whatcha gonna do with that idol?" I laughed so hard. He didn't even say anything about how he wished he was feeling better or anything like that. Colton asked if he could give it away to someone, but in the end he asked Alicia to please tell Sabrina, "thank-you for the souvenir". They left it as if he didn't give it to anyone. Now, I'm not sure whether he gave it away or not. I wouldn't be surprised either way. Alicia, in a solo interview, said she was annoyed that he never gave it to her. I hope she goes home next.

Both tribes still find themselves at Tribal. They drop their buffs and become one tribe once again. They didn't show where they go to live - not that I can recall. I can't even remember what colour they are now. I think it might be brown. There are six women and six men left in the game. I was surprised they rejoined tribes after just two challenges, but hey...it'll work for ratings, right? I have no idea. They could have had this arranged ahead of time before Colton got the boot.

The challenge this week before Colton's medical emergency was pretty boring. They had to throw coconuts from atop a little bit of a climb and knock out five different targets after said coconut bounced off of a trampoline. The weird thing about it though was this was supposed to resemble something from their childhood backyard games. I never played anything like that did you? I tried to find a picture of at least the Adonis tribe winning, but couldn't find anything...that's how much this challenge sucked.

There was some interesting dynamics this week, but I don't know how important they will be in the future of the game with the individual game starting next week. Leif, Jonas, and Christina might have something going. Maybe she really is annoying though. She seems nice enough in all the edits they show us. Jonas should step up his game already and find a stronger place. I am pretty sure that Jay, Troyzan, Kim, Courtney, and Sabrina will have some type of alliance. I wonder if they will pick up and carry Kat again.

Quote of the Week: Tarzan, "You wouldn't be my friend. I do respect you though Catherine." Her name's Christina. The quote worked better when I actually heard it the first time...this time I can't remember exactly how it went.
Next week: Tarzan decides to go it alone.

15 March 2012

The ADONIS tribe and the Not so much Adonis tribe

The girls are ready to be one, they finally get along with each other. 
Troyzan is really cuddly with the gals. 
Sabrina is awesome. I like her. She might be my favourite Survivor this year. The guys are so dumb according to Alicia the special education teacher. 
Oh! We're heading for the first challenge. Looks exciting actually. I have the same shirt as Colton. I'm not even kidding. 

They dropped their buffs! Tribes are switching up! Holy funky hell. 
Random switch. They draw eggs and smash them on their bodies...recall this from last season...it was so fun last year with Coach and Rob we'll do it again. I hope they get all emotional about it too!
Blue and Orange are the new tribe colours. Please note that Jeff is once again wearing these colours before hand. I suppose we should have known once we saw this. 
Shit. How am I supposed to keep this in order.
There is no more a distinction between the men and women. Only Salani and Monano with no gender implications for either.  
Salani - Blue Tribe: Kat, Sabrina, Troyzan, Mike, Chelsea (my draw for work), Jay (my other draw from the work pool), and  Kim
Monano - Orange Tribe: Leif, Tarzan, Jonas, Monica, Alicia, Colton, Christina
Okay, okay back to the challenge: Carry a large bucket filled with holes and water...plug the holes. When you heave it over to this larger, bigger bucket thing you dump whatever water you have managed to keep from pouring out of the holes on the sides into it - so when it gets full/heavy enough the gianter bucket will drop thus raising your new tribe colour be it orange or blue...determining your win and therefore immunity. 

The winning tribe gets peanut butter and jelly with good fortune of keeping the one world beach. I guess it didn't quite work out as a love fest for the producers so now they have to have another camp. Or maybe they didn't want any more of Colton's shenanigans disrupting the integrity of the game. Not once in 23 seasons did a tribe give up immunity. Duh. I think that's because they weren't allowed to be in cahoots with each other.

Blue Tribe (not Colton's tribe) wins! 

I'm pretty happy that Colton has to start up a new camp. It actually doesn't look that bad. I'm so happy he is with so many people that he can't stand. He's going to be the first one gone. At least that's my wishful thinking. Seems awesome to me. BAHAHA! Colton just said that he has a way of relating to people and he is able to talk to them and charm them. Sure. Let's ask Bill. Or every single person on your new tribe after they watch all of this. Oh and how about all your "friends" that will see this when it airs. 

Colton, Christina, and Alicia are talking. He wants people to trust him. Monica is part of it now. So, now he has the four number on his side on both sides. There are four men left. If Colton isn't with them, then he would be with the other three guys and it would be four against three and the girls would get plucked out one by one. 

Blue Tribe: They speared four crabs, Mike and Chelsea did. Oooh, another chicken. Nice. They got it! Troyzan captured it with the assistance of the rest of the tribe. I hope they didn't kill the rooster...oh wait, they did because of course you would. I mean you only have four giant crabs that you will all share because they are already dead. I don't quite get it. They roasted it. Kim, Jay, Troyzan are talking. I think they'll keep Chelsea in on it. They know that Mike is not really part of it. Kim is really just talking making a safety play because she then said she would stay with the women. The women have the numbers on this tribe. I think they will be my favourite core alliance throughout the game: Jay (me), Chelsea (other me), Troyzan, and Kim. I hope it bodes well for them considering I now have all my eggs in one basket. The only person that will make this the "bomb" alliance would be the inclusion of Sabrina. 

Utoh, Colton just indicated that they have to get out Christina first. He doesn't like her. Alicia even disagreed with it. She just told him that the guys are crazy. Jonas is wondering what's the story with Colton and Alicia. Finally, the guys might be able to get Colton's butt out of this game. I hope they do something. Colton told him that he is totally sticking with the men. He asked Jonas to write down Christina's name because she's going home first. 

Colton: Master Manipulator. Is he a genius? 

Someone finally woke up - Kim is looking for the immunity idol for the women. She found it! I'm not sure where she hid it. Oh of course, she hid it in her crotch - duh. She just told us. Gross. She included Chelsea in the secret. Now they are scheming a bit. They don't want people to think that they are a pair. 

Ooooh, orange tribe (aka not Adonis Tribe) is catching chickens too! They set a trap and now they have it. Hahaha! The chicken just escaped. Oh well. Now Colton wants to get rid of Monica. He wants her gone because Christina doesn't have any friends and if they get to the merge Christina will be easier to get rid of. Alicia fell for it. She just told him that she won't vote with him, but she doesn't have the numbers on her side at this point. At least she doesn't have to sell out the other women just quite yet. 

First immunity challenge.

Who will it be? Three members race to get a ball in the water. Shoot a basket and the other tribe tries to stop you any way they can. This could get ugly. I wonder what the queen will do?
Men vs. men so no one really gets hurt and if they do it's okay because it's same gender-ed potential abuse. Jay vs. Colton. I don't really care about the other match ups. Jay takes out two guys and Mike scores the first goal. Blue ahead by one.
"A little height disparity in this one." Did Jeff really say this about Leif? Leif knocked him (I think him is Mike) down. That's hilarious. OMG. Leif got the closest to the basket so far in round two. These guys can't score for shit. Mike finally scores again. He did dump some pretty small people into the water (Monica, Leif). Blue is ahead 2-0. One more for Salani and they win. Monica scores for Monano putting them on the board. she's trying to keep them happy and enthused. 
Colton is defending the goal. He got to the ball first. He's yelling out HELP ME. Jay took two shots and missed. Mike scored. Salani wins immunity and Colton quite nearly drowned. 

Who will go home from the orange tribe. Alicia thinks it's going to be the best blind side ever put on by her and Colton. They are sending home Monica. Of course they are getting one of the girls out - this won't be a blind-side. I mean, not if you really think about it. She would have a one in three shot at going home. She should have calculated that. 

Unless of course, Monica believes that the guys are going to vote out one of the guys when they have four people. Now Jonas doesn't trust Leif. "She's the head of the snake," Colton said about Monica. "Tarzan is like having a grandfather with alzheimers," Colton. They have to keep telling him over and over again attempting to instill her name to his memory. Now he thinks he's the leader of 'a bunch of idiots'. He finds this difficult. I'm surprised he's the leader too. I guess it's his huge ego which must present as confidence when you are that close to him. That or fear. 

Jeff is asking about the new tribe and now I'm bored and bored. Jeff is asking "is Monica what you need to turn this tribe around?" He asked Alicia and she gave a flowering speech with a hint of, "I smell a but coming." I thought Alicia was going to be an award winning actress and then she turned around and said that Monica could be a threat. So, with no hackles up before Alicia's comments, now Monica seems nervous. Now they realize that Tarzan has a huge vocabulary. And then Jeff made fun of Leif for saying explanate because it ain't no word. Tarzan is just trying to be precise. I love his vocabulary. He has a 'nomalaffasia'. I googled that shit and can't find anything close to that word. I even typed in "correct term for forgetting names" and nothing but Alzheimer's came up. I really want to find it. I'll continue to search for it. He can't remember names. He was able to name his tribe though. No one knows that he is a plastic surgeon. He's keeping information on the DL considering "the game is afoot, Jeff." 

Why is Colton in such high standing? Are people afraid of him? Will this be predictable? Yep. Monica is voted out. What was not predictable? Alicia voting for Monica when she clearly did not have to. 

Salani Tribe (BLUE)
Jay Byars, 25, Gaffney, S.C., model
Kat Edorsson, 22, Orlando, timeshare rep
Chelsea Meissner, 26, Charleston, S.C., medical sales
Michael Jefferson, 30, Seattle, banker
Kim Spradlin, 29, San Antonio, bridal shop owner
Sabrina Thompson, 33, Brooklyn, high school teacher
Troy/zan Robertson, 50, Miami, swimsuit photographer

Manono Tribe (ORANGE)
Christina Cha, 29, West Hollywood, Calif., career consultant
Alicia Rosa, 25, Chicago, special ed teacher
Colton Cumbie, 21, Monroeville, Ala., college student
Leif Manson, 27, San Diego, phlebotomist
Jonas Otsuji, 37, Lehi, Utah, sushi chef
Greg/Tarzan Smith, 64, Houston, plastic surgeon

Home already...
Kourtney Moon, 29, Austin, Texas, motorcycle repair - injured WHOA! OMG, OMG, OMG. My colleague that got Kourtney's name for the draw actually BROKE his wrist just a couple of weeks ago! How creepy is that? Do you think it might have been foreshadowing? Cool...cool yet creepy at the same time.
Nina Acosta, 51, Clovis, Calif., retired LAPD officer
Matt Quinlan, 33, San Francisco, attorney
Bill Posley, 28, Venice, Calif., stand-up comedian
Monica Culpepper, 41, Tampa, ex-NFL player's wife

12 March 2012

Future Tattoo: Moksha

I want to make sure I can see this again. I will get this as a tattoo one day. So far I've book my appointment for my new faery tattoo (August 1/2012). I don't think I'll get this one quite yet. I will one day. My biff told me that if there is an added T type letter to the very end of this word it turns it feminine. I might do that. My dog's name is Moksha and she's female and I'm female too...might do it. Not too sure yet. I don't know where I would get this tattoo either. I'm thinking between the two faeries on my back OR maybe on my chest - left side - not sure yet. 

08 March 2012

Survivor One World - Ignorant, rich, white kid with a black maid calls the shots.

Episode Four. I just recently (like yesterday - or would it be considered today? It might not because I won't publish this until after midnight...) posted week three. I'm looking forward to this week though - the women seem to be making this an actual game.
Why do they keep showing Colton saying, "I'm sorry. I am not a democrat. I'm a republican. I don't believe in handouts."
Hahaha...they call them "the misfit" and "the muscle" alliances. Michael is getting a little scared. He's saying they should continue to vote out the strong guys so that they can continue to lose.
Tarzan is a plastic surgeon. Interesting.
I can't believe Leif is sleeping in the crate that had their rope in. That's awesome! I suppose it's a smart idea. He stays dry and warm.
Bill is dangerous according to Tarzan.
I want the new iPad.
Salani Tribe: Are they really eating like tiny, tiny snails? They have all the fishing gear and a boat. I guess they aren't starving, so informs Monica.
The men have raced over to the women's tribe and they really want to use the net. "We are willing to give you half of it." Really...you are willing to give them half of the bounty? They should get a little bit more than half. Jonas says that they are doing all alright - they are getting enough food. The men will do all the work and the women get half the fish caught. Troyzan doesn't understand why the women are being hard asses about the net. I do. They are finally in a good position. Troyzan is wondering why the women don't want to suntan on the beach while they go out and get all the food and the women will get half for doing nothing. They aren't letting you use the net because you aren't getting as strong as they are! The men will need more food to keep up their strength and the women are doing just fine...they don't need the guys to get them food when they are capable of getting their own.

Reward Challenge: The game is starting to feel like it did way back when. The challenge is to take out five targets in a row with a slingshot.
They will win a choice of one of three things - comfort, protection, or luxury.
Bill is sitting out this one. Monica and Colton - Neither one of them knocked out a tile. It's like the tiles are made of wood and they just splinter.
Kat and Tarzan get one point each. They still have to get five in a row. The men have 2 targets out now. Monica knocked out one. Sabrina knocked out another one...they have two of five matched up. To be honest this challenge is really boring, not only to watch but, to write about.
Women have three connected - now four. One target left at the very bottom. Jonas is up for the men. Chelsea could win it. She knocked out another one, but it wasn't the one they needed for the win. Monica could now win it AND WOMEN WIN REWARD! Three in a row! Sweet.
Thank GOD. I thought they were going to take the donuts. They took the tarp. They need a tarp. I'm so glad. I really was waiting for them to grip the donuts. The LOML thought they should have grabbed 'em just to eat them in front of the guys.
Tarzan thinks they won from luck. I think he's just fun. I really do. I like the way he uses his words.

One of the guys said that they didn't get a chance to learn the game. Bill says, "Neither did they." That was awesome. Bill and Leif are talking about the idol. Leif just told Bill that Colton wanted him to be voted out. Bill's not too happy about that. He just got "wowed". He just learned that his head was on the chopping block. He now knows the game is on.

"That little munchkin...is about to get knocked back to Oz," Colton, AKA DICKhead. Michael is really trying to stir it up. Colton asked Leif what he told him and now he's trying to act like he's the king of the island. So now, Leif has apparently sealed his fate. COLTON! DID YOU REALLY JUST CALL LEIF AN OOMPALOOMPA? For real? So, Leif knows he messed up and he hopes that he can redeem his status in the tribe and Colton is an ass.

I want the new iPad.

Treemail is a puzzle. They will be in pairs. Alicia got all fired up because Kat said she didn't think they should be partners because Kat herself is not that good at puzzles and therefore she must think Alicia sucks at them too. It's really good Sabrina is on their tribe. She's pretty cool headed. She's a high school teacher so I guess she deals with this type of silliness all the time.

The challenge is to get puzzle pieces and keys and raise up a flag. Jonas is sitting out for the men. Oh, they are doing this puzzle in pairs.
Colton and Tarzan paired up for the men.
Alicia and Chelsea are taking forever. They peaked over at the men's finished puzzle, but the men are already almost done the entire thing. Finally they get the first key and are now working on the second puzzle.
Michael and Jay finished.
Troyzan and Bill on the third and final puzzle.
Kim and Sabrina are working on the second puzzle.
Tarzan is yelling out CHEATER because the women are looking at the finished puzzles. Who cares? Okay, he's annoying me now.
Leif has two locks and the third lock and the men have raised their flag. MEN WIN IMMUNITY.

Which woman will go home? I hope they send Alicia or Kat home.
Colton is an ignorant bastard. Ignorant. I don't think I can say it enough.

Sabrina is pissed off with Alicia, "She's just dead weight with a mouth."
Bill wants to talk to Colton so they can clear up whatever beef they got between them. Colton is being annoying and doesn't want to talk to him. He covered up his eyes and ignored him and then he told him that he doesn't want to be around him. Colton can't stand him. Colton hates him so bad he is asking if the guys want to trade out the immunity so that the men can go to tribal and vote out Bill. Jonas doesn't like that idea, but Colton is calling the shots right now. Why is Colton calling the shots right now? Jay believes this is a hasty decision.
Apparently the girls have let the guys use the fishing gear. I can't believe they didn't tell us about that. This was such a huge deal.
Tarzan thinks they are going to tribal counsel to vote out Leif. Jay has no idea what the hell is going on. Tarzan says Leif betrayed everyone and he needs to go home. Jay is under the impression that Bill would go home. Colton and Tarzan are the only ones that put their hands up to go. Jay, "I'm completely bum-puzzled right now." THIS is the quote of the week.
I can't stand Colton.
Who will it be at tribal! HOLY crap! They guys are at tribal counsel. How stupid.

"24 seasons, some 100 tribal counsels, never had a tribe arrive at tribal counsel after winning immunity."
Troyzan is explaining why they are at tribal. So, they are voting off Leif because he told Bill that he was going home. Is this just a ruse? Seriously? Do other people know that this is a joke and they are voting Bill out? Are they voting Bill out? What the hell is going on?
Jay is the smartest one in this game so far. I'm not even kidding. He's at least honest and is clearly able to say that he does not understand what the hell is going on. Colton doesn't like Bill because he's obnoxious and loud. And now Colton is telling him that he needs to get a new job because Bill is a stand up comic. Colton apparently has African American people in his life - his maid. Seriously. Bill finally called Colton out. Bill asked Colton to not look down at him.
Why does Tarzan always stick up for Colton? He's apparently fed up with race talk - they have a black president for crying out loud. Colton is from Alabama and he's a prick. I'm not going to edit that out. He has no idea about life. His mind is small. I would love it if they blind-sided him tonight. How sweet would that be? He didn't play the idol...maybe...shit. Bill is voted out.
Colton totally got all the men to go to Tribal just to vote out the poor black guy. AND they all went for it! Wow. I don't understand it.
Apparently something crazy happens next week. I wonder if they are mixing up the tribes.

07 March 2012

EPISODE THREE: Survivor 24 - One World

Well here it is, one week late! Sorry about that everyone. I was away in Vancouver Tuesday through Friday and haven't taken the opportunity to write up the weekly review. I went to Vancouver to attend the Bottom Line 2012 Conference: Practical Steps to a Psychologically Healthy Workplace. It was put on by the Canadian Mental Health Association. Fantastic first day and the second half day was also promising. I learned about Peer Support and Occupational Stress Injury.

I loved this week! I watched in on the plane from Vancouver to Whitehorse on Friday. I'm going to watch it again and give you the highlights!
Alicia gives some good advise to Kat: "Don't cry at tribal counsel." 
Colton and Jonas head over to the women's side of the camp to see if they want to go and hang out with them under their tarp so they can keep dry through the pending storm and stay warm. The women decide to tough it out - through the worst of it on their own. Oh no, the women don't have a fire. The girls beg the boys to go and dry up by their fire. So, Colton and Troyzan tell them to go over there and warm up. 
Matt was all pissed off because the women were warming and drying by the men's fire, but he realizes that "some of the guys might be sensitive to that." Sensitive to freezing cold women. 
The reward challenge this week is for a canoe and fishing gear.This is a memory challenge, they will be shown a line of items (chain, rocks, bags, skulls).
Sabrina vs. Matt: She kicks his butt. Sweet.
Colton vs. Monica: She beats him. Nice.
Alicia vs. Jay (male model): She took it. Right on.
Kat vs. Troyzan: Neither one got it right until the SEVENTH time where Kat managed to FINALLY steal it. Yes.
Women winning 4-0
Bill vs Christina: WOMEN WIN REWARD! About time. I hope the canoe doesn't go to waste. I'm just saying. 

The women got together and started repairing their shelter and attempting to get a fire going. They couldn't do it because everything else was so wet. So, what did they do? They went to the men's camp begging for an ember. The men gave them the ember, but they are getting annoyed with the women mooching off of them and they want something for it. They want to use the boat if they are going to keep helping them out. And Colton? What the hell is he talking about - he's a republican. Come on. No you ain't. 

Poor Chelsea's hands are disgusting. 
Alicia and Chelsea head back over to the men's fire. Jonas is getting annoyed. He thinks they should tough it out. Jay is getting up in their faces too. He wants to make a deal. the girls don't think the guys are making good deals. Bill is all annoyed too. Tarzan sends the two ladies back to their camp to see if they can come to a consensus about letting them borrow the boat and fishing gear for use of their fire. Nah. They ain't gonna do that. See I don't like the way Chelsea is presenting it. She's making it seem like the guys were like, "you're letting us take that boat and fishing gear since we gave you an ember and you better or we're just going to take it." Flippin' Kat pipes in with, "we're just girls. we're not meant to be beat down this well." What does that even mean? I hate that type of talk. 

Initially I thought, if the women win this what a waste of fishing gear and a canoe. I automatically thought they would not be able to do anything with it. Holy cow was I ever wrong! The women were awesome this week! They went out and they caught three fish. They were small, but they caught some! 

The men are seeing the increase in confidence from the women. I am pretty sure that Troyzan will be on side with the women when the merge finally happens. 

Immunity is back up for grabs: They have one person designated as a caller. They will lead two people tethered together and blind-folded to a series of buckets that when dumped drop a bag of puzzle pieces not to mention a random coloured liquid. Once the puzzle pieces are returned, the caller will then get all the puzzle pieces and build the puzzle. Sabrina is the caller for the women and Bill the comedian for the men. The guys head back quick with their first puzzle bag. Sabrina is having a hell of a time directing the women. The guys have two and now three. FINALLY the women have one. The men now have four. Sabrina can't direct for nothing. She's telling people to go forward when it's not possible...Women now have 2 bags. The men have all necessary parts and Bill starts the puzzle just after the women get back with the third bag. Sabrina is now sending girls over fences.She was much better at directing once Bill stopped screaming in her ear. Bill is still working on the puzzle. Women need to get two more bags for the puzzle. 
"You need to MOVE women," Jeff Probst in his black shirt and black, white, and green hat screams at them.
The men are ahead in the puzzle challenge. They have a big lead. Sabrina starts kicking butt. She's got three pieces and now four. Men are in the lead still, but then they get five pieces and six tying the game. Now we are at seven/seven. Three pieces are left. Men get 8 and then the women tie it up, they get the ninth piece and it's tied again - the women WIN IMMUNITY!
The men will find themselves at their first even tribal counsel. 
Matt has created some power and he's ready to execute it. Tonight at tribal. What the hell does that mean? He's been building up power for eight days...how? 
Boys on the chopping block: Matt and Bill - Bill because he lost the puzzle making ability and because Colton is a racist. When explaining why he wanted Bill voted out: "I can't deal with his like 'ya bro, ya bro, like ya' shut up. Like go kill yourself." and he tops it off by calling him "ghetto trash." The five are meeting and Tarzan thought Bill was their floater - their sixth man in the alliance of five. Colton shuts him down and says he needs to go home first. He says Bill is too wishy washy. Tarzan doesn't think so. They kind of want to get rid of Matt first because he's more influential and stronger than Bill is. Tarzan tells everyone that walks up to their caucus that they are meeting as an alliance and they will decide who is going home. Jay might be persuaded to vote with the five misfits. And after about 12 seconds, Jay bird is voting with them. Matt approaches and asks what's going on. Tarzan says, "We're talking strategy. I mean it's obvious, right?" I thought it was hilarious. Matt asked if his presence was bothering their strategy talk. He basically went there to get Troyzan to see "if he would like to be with (him) and (his) guys or you're with Troy and the Average Joes." So, they are the roosters? The guys that are really in power will take out the Average Joes because they are roosters? Troyzan basically thinks Matt's a jerk. He was able to sell the idea to vote for Matt to go home. Matt starts to scramble and he attempts to call out Tarzan to put a target on him so that someone from the five strong believe they should vote him out. Bill gets a little crazy and awkward at tribal. So - Colton has the idol and says he's going to play it. He doesn't. He knows he doesn't have to. That would have been interesting though since he said that he wasn't going to be a James and get voted out with an idol on hand. He did get at least one vote. Bill got one vote. Matt got five. Finally - Jeff calls Colton out on being a douche bag. Colton thinks it's supposed to be obvious that he would want to spend the majority of his time with the women's tribe. Jeff wonders why that is. Why would it be obvious that a guy on the guy's tribe would spend all their time with the women's tribe? 
Tarzan asks to see if the can get the last two votes from Jeff because they weren't read out. Jeff says, "No."

29 February 2012

New McNuggets Commercial - REALLY?

Seriously! Can you believe it? Have you seen it? I'm feeling dirty about it, but I'm going to try to find it on youtube and put it on here in case you haven't. It's awful. I haven't watched commercials in a long time apparently. So, these "mom's" go on a tour of London, Ontario chicken factory. They see that the factory workers are in fact handling chickens with gloves and putting the pieces on conveyor belts to be chopped and battered and sold as Chicken McNuggets. So - it's true, they are made from real chickens. So weird. So very strange.
Crap, I can't find it anywhere. This commercial has left me with a 'not right' feeling in my gut.

That Nutella commercial has a kid with asberger's in it! I love it. This kid builds up a giant wooden block tower of a sky scrapper. Super awesome. The caption is: Someone had their Nutella this morning...okay not a direct quote - it's something like that...maybe you'll see it below.
And I can't find that one neither (or is it either?).

I sent out my tattoo request! AH we'll see if it's possible or not.

1 Faery 

2. Crouching Faery - Could I have his hands in the Zazen hand position? Sitting on a multi-coloured maple Leaf? with his hands and the leaf sort of highlighted and the wings - subtle in the back. 
I really like the smile and sharper nose features of the faery above this one numbered 1. If you think that's okay. 

22 February 2012

Survivor 24 Week - MOST BORING episode in the history of the game

2 tribes, one beach. I wonder if there was a lot of flack from people about how much damage the Survivor crews must do when they are filming in two pristine areas of a country. What do you think? Maybe that's why there is a smaller area available. Maybe.

Salani Tribe comes back. The boys all know that Courtney is gone and she broke her wrist. I think they were pretty disappointed.

Christina tries to work things out with Alicia. OMG...I can't believe Alicia thinks Christina looked crazy. Does she really think so? Alicia was being rude. "That was not my intention," Alicia. "If I saw her drowning, I would probably look the other way," Alicia. I don't like you. I can't wait until you get gone.

The women have a group meeting. Ground rules: all have a right to be heard. When you talk be direct and to the point. Sabrina gets called out to be the leader. They like her. She takes on the challenge. "Managing the airheads." That's hilarious. Three categories: water, food, shelter. Monica gets water. Kat and Alicia get food. Nina has pointed out the tribal lines. The young girls are getting on her nerves...she's 51 and the others are so lazy. They decided to go sit in the water instead of going to look for food. Don't they realize that they too will starve?

Treemail was a giant trunk for each. So, they get treemail together...this is also a new twist.
"Do it yourself reward challenge." So, they have to untie knots in order to win reward. They get a tarp and ropes. That blows. They are sitting out Big Mike from the challenge because the boys have one extra person. "Jazz fingers," Tarzan. I giggled.

Jay, male model, describes what's up for the challenge. He was the one that started the fire for the guys last week. That's cool because he's mine in the Survivor work pool.

The girls are in a groove, they might win it!

What are they doing without Jeff giving them hints along the way? The boys won reward. It was really close...I'll give them that. LOL - the midget got lifted up on high.

More bats.

Manono: Ewww...why does Tarzan have to wear a banana hammock? Mike thinks they are going to have the best camp in history. Colton is sitting there doing nothing. NOTHING. He's such a drama queen. He is probably going to think that they don't like him because he's gay, but really it's because he's a lazy fucker and nothing else.

WHY did they wait three days to build their camp? They should have built up their camps sooner. Colton went over to the girls' tribe and he was helping them. They actually had to ask him to stop helping. Sabrina, "Colton is like a virus and there seems to not be a cure for him yet." They have to entertain him all the time. They kicked him out! That's hilarious. They made him go home. No one likes him. I feel a little bad, but I don't. Know what I mean?

Colton doesn't believe in the game and he doesn't want to talk strategy. He's crying and asking to stay on the girls' side. The girls are trying to tell him that they don't want him there because they are on different tribes. They are trying to be a more cohesive tribe right now. I get it. They don't want a dude around hearing everything that they do and discuss. I get it. He just has to get over whatever it is that he's got against men and move in with his tribe.

Dear Lord. Tarzan is dancing with a stick in his undies. He's crazy. Colton is talking about having an idol with Troyzan (not to be confused with Tarzan), Leif, Jonas, and Tarzan (please don't confuse him for Troyzan). So, now Colton is the ring leader according to Jonas. They are going to be reign supreme. I can't believe it. I can't believe Colton just called that random crew of guys misfits. Sister, you fit in with the misfits. These are your people. They are going to try and get rid of Mike or Matt at tribal for boys.

The challenge with immunity up for grabs. They are balancing on a beam. They have to walk around the other tribe members to get to the other side. They are only allowed to touch one player at a time. Only one person can cross at a time.

Tarzan is sitting out for the boys. The girls should win. Leif is going across for the boys first. He touched two people at a time. Kat seems to be frozen there. Leif is probably pretty used to moving through people being so little. Kat is so stuck. She's frozen there. Leif is through. Colton is going through now. Kat is finally moving faster and then two people fall and have to go in the water. This challenge is ridiculous. The girls still haven't gotten one person across.

Monica finally gets something going for the women. It took forever, but they got one at least. The guys aren't afraid to touch each other. You would have thought that this would be the other way around. At least that's what my presumptions were. The boys finish like no problem. They get immunity twice in a row. The women are going to tribal again. The women are blaming their boobs for getting in the way. I am so bored this year. Kat was jumping in the water for no reason...she did it twice. I hope she's gone next. We shall see.

Nina wants Kat to be gone. Monica is not part of the five, but she's in the best shape of all the girls. She is part of the older tribe (less than tribe) so she's going to have to play her cards smart. Nina thinks Kat is "witless" so she can't really win at all. Nina is trying to talk strategy to get Kat out of the game. Chelsea is gunning for Kat now. I think she's going to go home. I guess it's between Nina and Kat.

Jeff is talking down to them so much. Sabrina, Alicia, Kat, Kim, and Chelsea. Nina, Monica, and Christina are the other three. Nina asks what life experience Kat brings to the tribe...she's outdoors a lot and she works sails. Jeff gives her words to use because he doesn't want Kat to go home. Nina is annoyed. Athlete: ability, smart, and handle pressure. Nina doesn't think Kat is an athlete at all. Chelsea believes that they would make different alliances and so does Sabrina. I really hope Kat goes home. Kat cries because it's her fault they lost. Dear lord, please keep Nina on the tribe and send Kat home.

"I'm not calling Christina out, but..," Kat. I can't believe Kat just said that. How the hell does one person say they ain't calling you out and then blatantly say their name like that...?

The women are the least cohesive tribe I have ever seen in this game.

I am so nervous...who is going home? I don't even really care at this point. Nina was voted out. They are stupid. What a dumb-ass game this year. I'm bored.

Let's hope next week is better:
Men vs. Women and chivalry is dead. Colton is a republican. Are you kidding me? What self-respecting queer is a republican? Oh, I see...self-respect would have to be there.

15 February 2012

Survivor 24! One World! South Pacific...again?

Hello, hello, hello! We are back at it...
We meet some of the men. We've got a gay guy and a playa, a sushi chef, and an old guy with a giant stash. 2 tribes living together on one island. First time ever...this will happen.
Ooooh, bats. The rats with wings.
Sounds like Probst has a cold. He was standing outside of a helicopter! Is he nuts? Did they have him crazy glued to it? It was flying away and he was leaning against the outside of it on the rails.
"Welcome to Survivor."
Probst, "Courtney, where do you fit in with the other women? - she doesn't fit in anywhere she says. Why are you wearing a fish hat? Not to mention it's a touque in the South Pacific. Maybe that's why you don't fit in. Flamboyant guy is wearing pastel golf shirt with a sweater tied around his shoulders. There are 2 TARZANS! I'm not lying at all. Awesome! Colton is the sweater knot guy's name and he believes himself to be, "...the girl within the guy tribe."
Manono Orange Tribe for Men. Salani is Blue for the women.
The LOML pointed out that Jeff is wearing a blue shirt and an orange hat and she knew these would be the tribe colours.

They got to strip the truck of everything they could. The truck was loaded with useful Survivor type things. There's one guy stealing shit from the women's pile! What a douche! hahahaha! This season is going to be fun.

The women are left with like nothing! They took all their stuff. The little man said that they did not take anything when asked where all their stuff went. Liars. It's so obvious.
This season will still have hidden immunity idols. There is no redemption island. So, if you are sent home you are sent home. Good.
The girls ended up with all the food. The thief should get sent home  first. He is relentless though.
As both tribes are sent on different directions unbeknownst to all of them that they will be on the same island we see other silliness...for instance...
They are in the jungle carrying heavy fire wood. Is that necessary? Is it even enough to last longer than about an hour and a half? Leif was carrying the heaviest articles and the sushi chef was quite impressed, "He's a buff little dude."

The old guy said that they had to trek 100's of miles. I doubt it. I don't think it was that far away.

Fricken Courtney - chick with the tattoos and redonKulous touque was carrying a pan. A PAN. Someone else was trying to carry a heavy load with another person AND she had an entire bundle of coconuts in the other hand. They had to ask Courtney to put the pan in the slung basket and take the bundle of coconuts. First alliance set up ten minutes into the game: Kat, Sab, and Kim with Alicia and  another girl.

So, they get to the camp and they realize they'll be camping together.

Three, four, five chickens just running free. First thing they do is try to hunt the chicken. They probably ate last like three hours ago. The country girl caught the first chicken and then she got another one. She's awesome! Her name is Chelsea. Bahahaha, after the men and women make a deal to share the spoil the girls reneged. Now they want to barter for the poultry. Is it fair? I mean the guys did steal from the women at the beginning. They sort of started it all.

"Give us that chicken as an apology..." douche bag attorney, Matt. What do they have to apologize for? You guys stole all their shit.

Colton's just sitting there on a log feeling sorry for himself. He's not doing anything. So, the girls are taking him under their wing while he not help out his tribe AT ALL.

Matt (lawyer) said that Colton is going to have a hard time because he is not trying at all to fit in. No one seems to have an issue with his sexuality. So, now Colton is saying that he will be a mole in the female tribes. Colton already wants Matt gone.

Three of the guys are peacock-ing - shirts off abs exposed.

The first alliance of men are: Big Mike, Jay Bird and Bill with Matt. Colton would be the swing vote with the other four being: Leif, Jonas, Troy, and Greg.

Sabina likes Colton because he's funny but she's being a little wary at the same time.

Cool - one of the Survivors is crafting a makeshift bow drill-type-fire-starting-thing. The model (is not that person) is clear that there are two tribes. The men got their fire going first.

Sabina asked if they could start them a fire and they would give them a chicken.

The little man gets free funnies I think. And I don't think he minds. By that I mean lots of cuddles and things. Now the women are talking about taking pants off for fire. Now the men propose a pole dance naked might get them fire. One of the guys said that they've only been there hours and they aren't that hungry yet. He followed that by saying to the cameras something about them "Comin over here with yer set a taters on ya..." bahahahaha! I'm pretty sure that was Troy. He's one of the old guys. He wins quote of the week.

I can't believe the women are so typical and trying to barter their own bodies for fire. Is it typical?

What's wrong with the male-model's voice?

The girls are finally doing something smart. They are creeping over to the fire after everyone has fallen asleep to steal it! I hope they get away with it. THEY DID IT. Will it start when they get to their side of the camp? Commercial break, how convenient. Christina was part of the raid, but they fricken let it go out. There are a fuck load of bats. Now the girls want to work together. They just negotiated 20 palm fronds weaved. Alicia is getting annoyed with Christina - ready to "punch her in the face." She should just put a shawl across her breasts and stop worrying about Christina.

Sabrina found the hidden idol. She better hide it. Bahahaha! She found the one for the men's tribe. She has to give it up to one of them. I think she has to give it to one of them by the next tribal council. Colton's super pumped. I don't know if that's true...how would they know she found it.

The challenge: Jump 20 feet onto a net...walk balance beam...walk rope bridge and then I got distracted. They're playing for immunity in the end. They are also winning fire reward.

Jeff has to give instruction so people don't get hurt. Courtney needs to go home very soon. Everyone is losing their shoes. It's like they've never been on trampolines before. Men are in the lead thus far. Women are now ready to go too. Apparently Courtney is very hurt. Does she need medical? Should she just get kicked out? The FIRST CHALLENGE AND YOU NEED MEDICAL! She's all faint. I thought she was supposed to be a tough mechanic. Update: Courtney landed on the net and maybe broke her arm. Maybe. It's unclear right now so they need to do an xray. She should just be out of the challenge. I'd be pissed. They have to wait there? They don't have to wait. They are bending the rules...men can take the victory and send the girls to tribal. Or. Continue the challenge and see who wins...Jeff's tip? Don't piss off half the players! HAHAHAHAHAHA! The men are sending one of the women home. Challenge is over.

Object is to win...lots of time to prove they can win. The men declared that the challenge is over and the women are going to tribal. Nina started swelling up on her lips for what she believes to be no reason!  Kim is annoyed with the men's decision, but she kind of gets it. On the other hand, she's from Texas and no guy she knows would have made that choice.

Colton loves Sabrina. He said so. Right after she gave him the idol.

Poor Nina...her face is so swollen.

Sabrina is hoping Courtney is not going to come back. I would have voted her out either way...whether or not she got hurt. Now this other girl (Alicia) wants to get Christina gone. She's angry about everything, Alicia I mean. I think Christina is just nice and trying to work with the men to the advantage of all. I mean, they don't show us everything, I'm not that naive.

TRIBAL: Alicia...she's the angry one and she likes to bond with women more. Really? Kat is asked about who is leading...she thinks everyone has their own job. Christina explains her role in the fire debacle and then Alicia cuts her off and she's such an itchbay! OMG. They are annoying. I would start to cut. I would find a frond that would slice my skin if I had to live on that tribe. They are already bickering more than high school. Poor Kat is hiding her head like I am. Alicia threatened (out loud mind you) that she would PUNCH HER (her being Christina) IN THE FACE. They've known each other for like three days. Jeff didn't even flinch.
LOL...Jeff just said they were NUTSVILLE. Can you believe it? I mean it's true, but I don't know if he should have said it. Update on Courtney's status: She's fine, but she needs surgery. No one else is going home tonight. She broke her wrist in a few places. Maybe the girls just need to duke it out. Now I feel a little bit bad about insinuating she was wimpy...she was though, right?

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR: "Colton is a virus," Sabrina.

02 February 2012

I want a new Tattoo

I'm not too sure what I should get. I was thinking about some other Buddhist symbols...like Beginner's Mind or Emptiness or something like that. I'm going to have to figure something out soon because the dates are coming quickly. I don't even know if I'll be able to get an appointment. We shall see. I'll be in Ontario in August...I'm trying to book an appointment, but I am quite certain he's going to need some idea of what I want first! :) I think maybe I want another Froud inspired/stolen faerie, but I already have one...should I get the same thing twice when I only have one other tattoo. I would like to get a dragonfly based on the pictures above. Once I figure out the design, I'm going to have to figure out where on my body it should go. I think I want this one to have colour and I want to be able to see it easily. 

26 January 2012

Locust of Control

Strong locust of control. 
I'm endeavouring to complete PSYC356 by the end of February. I will finish the course...at least everything is set in motion for me to complete it on time. I wrote the final short quiz this afternoon, I have a multitude of research papers printed out for review (for final paper), and I have set the date for my final exam.
Today I read more about "locus of control" as proposed by Julian Rotter. Rotter basically wanted to be able to predict people's behaviour. What he discovered was the higher people's internal locus of control the better off they seemed. There has been a tonne of research done on this topic over the years. Maybe I should be writing my final paper on internal locus of control. However, I suppose it could relate to meditation/mindfulness/zazen/Buddhist principles. I'll have to do a search of "locus of control and mindfulness" or maybe just "Rotter and Mindfulness". I'll keep you posted.
So, pretty much, locus of control is "the belief people have that their attempts to reach a goal are within their control (internal locus of control) or are primarily due to powerful events such as fate, chance, or other people (external locus of control). Locus of control is measured by the Internal-External Control Scale." So, this scale attempts to figure out Where your locus of control primarily sits. Does it sit in the blame section of the bleachers or does it take its place directly on the field - are you participating in your life or are you simply letting the external world determine your outcomes? Apparently, being all of internal or all of external is not desired, but if you have a leaning towards internal locus of control you are better off for it. There have been studies...since I'm not being marked on this blogpost, I'm not going to find the source to quote it...you could check out the text book that references it: "Theories of Personality", 7th edition by Feist and Feist.