I really am curious for the answer to this question. Maybe I'll contemplate this during my Zazen practice tomorrow (well okay, this afternoon) when I get home.
I'm still sitting and I'll continue to and I hope I don't truly fuck myself up by not having a teacher present. I guess I just need to keep up studying while I'm sitting. I think this might assist in keeping myself on track and not turning into some cultish type believing too much that I am Jesus Christ. I figure we all are...I'm no more than you and you're no more than me...know what I mean? Not in like the crazy, crazy "I'm Jesus lookit me" kinda way. I'm realizing this is a hard thing to explain without sounding like a nutter, so I'm going to just leave it alone for the time being.
So - sitting experiences as of late...uhm...I think I'm quicker to note when I'm disengaging from the present moment - getting lost in thought to the point of not realizing where I am and what I'm doing. I notice I do that quite a few times throughout a short fifteen minute sitting. I guess it would be nice to talk directly to a teacher about what's going on with that...and maybe get some instruction/lessons.
I forgot my pencil case in an area I can't access until morning. I'm going to sit here at the computer and not do any of my homework...I'm not going to do any homework because I don't have my special pens and I'm not interested in using just a "regular" pen that any random person could use to write out my notes. I don't want to stray from the pattern I've established. I love making excuses. This is one of those "Yes, but" things I just read about this evening..."Yes, I was planning to do my homework, but I didn't have access to my pencil case so I'm not going to do it." "If I had my pencil case at hand, then I would do my homework." The "if/then" is another example he uses in the excuses section on safeguarding tendencies. I'm talking about Adler by the way.
Maybe I'll read the remainder of the chapter and take my notes tomorrow morning when I'm waiting for Canadian Tire and the post office to open. .