02 August 2011

Losing the Training Wheels (zen style)

I decided this morning that it is time to get rid of the timing bells telling me of when three minutes have passed. I moved it to five minute notice. Tonight I'm losing the training wheels altogether. Really, it is only fifteen minutes of sitting silently - I should experience the waiting it takes. I was going to up the time to twenty minutes - I will eventually - I'm going to get through the silence first.
I noticed last night when I was sitting my entire body started to shake. I then realized I wasn't sitting properly. I wasn't sitting with my knees on the ground (or blanket). I was sitting up high on the cushion. Not a good idea. I tried to figure out what the heck was going on and thought I was having some sort of religious experience and then adjusted my sitting and it went away. Boo. :) Or maybe I shouldn't say boo, I should be super happy that I can have that sort of experience without any intervention but my own imagination!
I took out the tones altogether last night. It went alright. I think it went quicker actually because I wasn't thinking, "when will that bell sound?"
During my sitting this morning I realized how much I think about work. When I noticed how much I thought about work, I started to construct what my day was going to look like - what I was going to do when I was done sitting and then after coffee, and after yard work, and after...etc...I adjusted my posture and decided to just sit. There is nothing I can do about the future except experience the present. It doesn't matter what I do to plan my future if I'm not going to be present for this moment - wait, this moment, or is it this moment? Damn it, as soon as I try to focus on it, it's gone. :)
My back and neck are aching - shoulders too. I'm not used to sitting yet. I figure I'm using muscles I haven't used in a while - I'm sure I'll adjust eventually. I really value the 15 minutes in the morning and the 15 at the end of the day now. The adventure started on June 28 and I have practiced as decided ever since. I'm almost at the one week mark (pats self on back).
I am off to see the wizard...walking the dirt road path with my dog. Until next time.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

July 28...not June 28. July.