Yesterday's Zazen session was difficult. I was pretty much crying near the end of it. I should have sat for longer, but I think it was long enough. It had to be because that's all it was. I wonder why. I can't recall exactly what I was thinking about and I can't recall where my body was aching. All I remember is recognizing that we all have a choice in whether or not we stay here on this planet and there is nothing anyone can really do about whether we decide to remain or to leave. I'm glad I didn't recognize (really understand) that until now. I don't think I would have done so well if I figured that one out years ago. I suppose that's why I was crying - the recognition of life for life's sake and how wonderful I am - you are - we are - and aren't (trifecta). I recall hearing the wind and knowing intrinsically that it's always there.
So - sitting each morning and evening is getting somewhere. I would still be here whether or not I was participating in the zazen, but I feel better for it. I was sitting in my feelings and knew that they would calm - you know, like the wind and all that jazz. I knew I had it coming to me. I was just thinking before I sat down that I didn't know what the hell all those books about how difficult sitting can be were getting at. Okay, yes, I get it. I understand. :)
Well, time to finish watching "Little Red Riding Hood." We spent money on renting it. I know. So far? I'm going to give it about a 5.5.
My next book? "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki.
Let's see what this book brings. I am certain I read the inside flap of the book before I sat and it mentioned stuff about thinking about who we are and stuff like that. I guess that's what I had in my mind at that time.