29 July 2011

Zazen Begins. SIT DOWN.

First evening and morning of zazen practice. I've read the books and know by now that everything points to zazen and essential practice. So, I finally set up my zafoo and blanket and I'm ready to study the paint on the wall.
First distraction? The shadow of my hair. My part is ridiculous. I'm not kidding. It looks really funny. At first I decided to try and ignore it. Guess how well that worked. So, then I thought I will look at it and accept it as there and move on. That was a more effective way of addressing the issue...hmmm...who would have thought that by addressing something instead of ignoring it would help dissipate distress?
That was the first evening. I could hear every movement downstairs and almost let that bother me to the point of getting angry with the person for moving during the fifteen minutes of quiet I had requested. I decided the annoyance was only with myself and the boredom that had begun to settle in. I got past it.
This morning - I stuck to my guns and got out of bed without waiting the standard three snooze minimum. I wandered directly into the office space, to the zafoo, and 'the wall'. I could almost feel myself falling asleep with my eyes open. I adjusted and straightened up. I noticed little spots on the wall until - until the entire thing sort of blurred together and I was left to notice the thoughts and the little pinch in my right foot and the creeping in of pins and needles. I was able to notice the little hunch forward and the relaxing and tightening of my belly. There was a slight pull of discomfort in my back near my right shoulder. I counted my breath. I don't think I got past 4 at any given time before I was distracted by thought or shadow or little nick in the paint. I did it though. I sat for fifteen minutes. I'm going to do it again tonight...at least that's the plan so far :) My intention in this moment is to go forward.

1 comment:

Ms.Cakey said...

Proud of you Vollans. You inspire me.