28 December 2011

ode to time, Zazen, and children's novels past

I'm going to start sitting again. I haven't done so in a very long time. I suppose time is relative, right? I mean really...a very long time to me is being counted as about three months. Is that a long time? Can I even calculate this time of not sitting in the same way I would count not drinking booze? smoking pot? watching television? maintaining a proper diet? reading? studying? working? They all seem to have their own apparent lapse. Okay, I don't know if I'm making sense to anyone else but myself right now. lol - what is right now? Your 'right now' I figure.
Here I lay me down to rest. It is time for bed and I have this thought to write another blog post regarding my not sitting. I could just type that I don't need to sit and don't need to explain why and that's totally zen. I'd be lying though. I'm pretty sure that's one of the precepts. I shouldn't lie.
Time - I haven't gone to the gym in about 10 days. That feels like a long time. It feels like a long time because I'm all paranoid I'll fall back to my unhealthy ways. I've decided to take a break until after New Year's (this one silly). I'm still paying attention to what I eat and I did go for a five kilometer walk today. I was baking in the sun in Los Cabos, swimming (more like marinating), walking the beach, and eating pretty well considering it was mostly buffet style. I did make sure to eat lots of fruits and veggies. So - 10 days of not going to the gym is more than not just hitting the weights or the treadmill. It's about feeling this anxiety and fear that I will gain back the weight I shed and not be able to fit into the new clothes that I've purchased or wear the old clothes that feel like new again, again. That must compound the time lapse. I figure I think about it more and therefore each moment I spend pondering adds up to more than let's say when I think about how long it has been since I've smoked pot. I don't think about it nearly every hour of the day. I hardly think about it at all. So the time spent thinking about how often one is doing or not doing something is the entirety of the time lapse. Maybe that's how time works? Maybe. Things seem to go by slowly when you think about it all the time. Like when I was a kid thinking about my birthday coming up or Christmas or other exciting things in my life as a child. I would focus on it and stim about it and not be able to wait for that special thing to come around...like scholastic book day. I loved that day - the books would show up and we would get our orders. I loved getting the book order. That was such a great thing. I was pretty blessed my parents were able to afford it. I remember carefully selecting titles and filling out the important information and carefully carrying the sealed envelop with the cheque inside directly to my teacher. I wonder if they still do that program in schools?
I've just spent the better part of 20 minutes trying to find this book I ordered or was able to find at the big sale when Scholastic set up in the movie room of the Jr. School. It was called "The Island" or something like that. I can't find it for anything. It is about this girl who is visiting family or she's gone with her parents to the lake and there is this little island that a boy lives on and she and he spend all their time together just playing and having fun...he doesn't have parents. I can't remember it all. I just know I loved that book. I lent it out to a not very trustworthy friend in high school and I never got it back.
There just spent another 10 searching. What I did find:
1. Ramona books. I heart Ramona. I would like to read them all again
2. The BFG by Roald Dahl. I just finished reading this on Xmas day for the first time in YEARS. Maybe 28 or something like that. I loved that book and I love it again. I was thinking about why it is I loved it so much. I think I might have imagined my grandpa being the BFG. He was/is pretty tall and he can wiggle his ears.

3. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. So funny! I remember laughing out loud reading that book.

4. Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and the other Super Fudge books. I enjoyed that one too. I'm pretty sure I read everything Judy Blume wrote.

and last but not least...
5. PIPPI LONGSTOCKING! Astrid Lindgren is my hero.


So - time. Time well wasted remembering the past. Remembering what I loved about childhood instead of focusing on what I had difficulty with. That is time well spent. I could have zazen'd away the time, but I've quite enjoyed the trip back.
I might sit tomorrow, I might not. We shall see when tomorrow comes...or is that another post? This moment is the only one I have. If I choose to sit I have done so. If I do not, I have not. It's as easy as that. It really is.
Thanks Vanessa for planting the zen seed once again with your Facebook update.

(just found out that FaceBook is in the dictionary used by my mac).

26 December 2011

Survivor 23 - FINALE! Better late than never...

Well, what can I say...we were in Cabo San Lucas (San Jose del Cabo to be exact) when the finale was on. So, I'm going to ask a bit of forgiveness for the late-late-lateness of the finale recap.

Xmas Eve in Cabo we released sea turtles into the Sea of Cortez

I'm going to guess the winner in this moment...I haven't read anything regarding the winner...I'm going to say - Ozzy. It burns my ass to type that out, but honestly, if he gets to the final, he's going to win. He's been able to "wine and dine" each member of the jury as they reached Redemption (Sophie said that). I mean, I really don't want him to win, but if he gets back into the game and wins immunity while there, he's going to win the entire game. If he doesn't - I'm going to guess Coach. I'm okay with Coach winning the game. I would much prefer Sophie win overall (she's my person for the work pool). Albert doesn't deserve it at all...he comes up with these game changing plans and never follows through. Sophie maintained the status quo, but at least she kept going with what she should be doing. I hope she kicks Ozzy's butt and wins immunity and he goes home.

UtOh! We might have missed some of the Survivor show! The one where we end up getting to the final three. We'll see what goes down. Rick - not too sure what he would win on. What did he do this entire game but vote party line?

So, we're getting the recap - boring...boring...boring.

Forgot about Coach's "christian man" irrevocable promise to Ozzy to bring him final three. Albert made a douche bag move and didn't give Brandon the necklace back and Brandon got sent to Redemption. Forgot about that too.

Let's see what Brandon can do to get Ozzy out. Please do it Brandon.

Coach doesn't want to be made a fool of out here in Survivor - not this time. He's sick and tired of being lied to by Albert. Albert flat out said that he didn't think Brandon was going home today. Liar. He knew. He knew.

Ozzy bores me. I don't even want to type out what he says. He's annoying. He's comparable to Boston Rob. If Ozzy wins - they might as well have replayed last season.

We arrive at the dual. Awesome. They hold onto a pole for as long as they can. Could they have picked a more ridiculous challenge? Could they have geared this challenge more for Ozzy? That's all they did. They set it up for Ozzy to win. They bloody-well set it up. I hate this game. They should lay out, on line, the duals one by one before they happen. Like, at the beginning of the season they can say: Here are the duals for Redemption Island, 1, 2, 3...and then I wouldn't suspect any funny business. I can't be the only one. Forty minutes and Brandon is still up there. Awesome. Bullshit challenge for this dual. Bullshit I call bullshit. Not necessary, but I'll tell you - Ozzy won. Baby Hantz is going home. At some point this season he gained his own name. I think they finally decided that he deserved to be called by his first name and let go of the Russell connection.

Albert's going to have another chance at a game changing move. He could woo Ozzy. Oops, I was mistaken, when they interviewed him right after Ozzy came back he figured they all four will be voting for Ozzy for him to go home (Coach, Rick, Sophie, Albert). Coach took Ozzy aside and told him that he was going to save him. "I feel like you deserve to be in this game," Coach. What the fuck for? Because he's played before? Because he's had multiple chances to win? How is that fair? How? They should get rid of his ass after they punt Ozzy. Or maybe they should get Coach off first. I'm tired of seeing previous Survivors win this game. They had their shot. Let's get back to the old days when we got to meet new people playing this game. Why always "allstars"?

Balance and make a card house as challenge. Whoopi. These challenges might as well be taken from a hat labeled, "Challenges Ozzy can win". Sweet - Sophie has a book about how to make card houses. I hope she wins. Sophie ran out of tiles before she hit the win line. Coach's stack fell, Ozzy is in the lead, and Sophie had to change her strategy (she ran out of cards!). Thankfully, Ozzy ran out of pieces too. WHOA! Sophie is swearing at Albert to help her win. Then out of nowhere! NOWHERE, Jeff says that you can't help each other and it's an 'individual game' now. Sophie got too emotional about the game and now she's not going to win at all. It's going to be Ozzy. Ozzy or Coach.

I hate this game. It sucks this year. Totally fixed for Ozzy to have some crazy come back win. They did the same shit with Boston Rob.

Honestly, I don't even care if the end of it didn't record and I don't see who wins this game.

Coach, "Rick's got the best chance to win this game right now." Whatever. Unless they aren't showing us anything at all. Apparently he tells good stories. He's a hard worker and everyone loves him. Ozzy's trying to talk about Sophie going home. He's talking to Albert and he's the easiest person to sway period. Albert needs to go next, but everyone should want to take him to the end considering he's got zero chance. Now Rick wants to get rid of Sophie. Coach said, "I'd vote for Sophie." Rick asks, "Would you vote for me." Coach, "No." Liar. Albert needs to blow that information out there - Ozzy just told him that Coach gave him his word that he would take Ozzy to the finals. I think my character might be going home.

Jeff just asked Coach about why they should get rid of Ozzy. He skirted around the answer and then Ozzy told everyone that Coach said he was going to take him to the final three. Ozzy's a jerk. He made my person cry. He said she was a spoiled brat and that everyone felt that way about her. Ozzy's a douche bag and I don't care. He can be out there and shine as a jerk and make people cry he can handle this random stranger's opinion of him. Should you win Ozzy - you won because the TV executives need to bring up the ratings. Dink.

So, during the end of Tribal Counsel Sophie had a breakdown because she was really hurt by what Ozzy said about her. She was mostly hurt that he said everyone called her down and said she was spoiled. She cried and wished she didn't give off that impression of herself. She realized that what she once thought was a strength might be a weakness. She is brash and hard to get to know.

I wish Coach would have given his idol to Sophie.

WAHOOOOOOOhhhoooooo! Sophie has remainded in the game. Rick got voted out because Coach changed his mind. Nice try Coach. Trying to shake Rick's hand like he's a child or something. "Oh, I'm so sorry I voted you out." I imagine that's what Coach would say. I hope you beat Ozzy's ass Sophie! Win immunity so Ozzy goes home.

Hahahaha, maybe Coach will change his mind about taking Ozzy to the final. Tehee. I hope he doesn't win and Coach can change his mind about taking him to the end. Coach did ask Ozzy to not say anything about the plan. Ozzy just tried to burn him out there so that his tribe would go against him. Come on Coach, this is your chance to not take him to the end and win the game with people who deserve it at the end. Take Sophie and Albert. That would be fantastic. Coach might still win, but he would have shown that he remained loyal to the two people he had the closest relationships with. So, now Ozzy and Coach might make this a tie between Albert and Sophie. They're acting like A and S aren't even in contention to win. Fuck those two guys...I hope Sophie wins so bad.

Hasn't Ozzy been known for winning puzzle challenges? Guess he's just all around good at challenges.

Here's the LAST immunity challenge ever. They have to trapse through five different obstacles and collect five bags with puzzle pieces. Albert and Ozzy have two back. Sophie is getting tired. Ozzy back with three. Now he's back with four. Sophie has two finally. Coach has three and Sophie too. Albert with three. Ozzy has five and can work on the puzzle. Albert has four back. Coach back with five and can start on the puzzle and now Sophie. Please win Sophie. "Don't panic," Jeff...nice, solid advise. Sophie has her first piece and Ozzy is trying to cheat. Sophie has two and now three. There are eight total to get in. Ozzy has two pieces, now three. Sophie with four and now five. Why can OZZY cheat! Why aren't you calling him on it. Sophie has 7 and SHE WON! FUCK YA! I love this game all over again! Fuck you Ozzy. I mean that with all due respect.

Sophie just went back to camp and then talked about how she was surprised how easy it really was once she got the first piece. This is so sweet.

Ozzy is working Coach. He wants Coach to vote Albert out so that they can build a fire together. If Ozzy makes it to the final - he's going to win. I would vote for him just because Coach is such a dumb ass for taking him to final three. They are acting as if Sophie has no chance in this game at all. If they all go I hope Sophie is able to show that she played against two historical figures in this game of Survivor and beat them all in the end.

Three times each - Coach and Ozzy have had the chance to win. I hope neither one of them wins. Neither one. They are no more deserving than any of the others. Perhaps they are less than deserving. Coach about Ozzy on Redemption, "Coming back is almost impossible." There is at least one person coming back from Redemption. Someone would have come back. That's the point. Just because Ozzy won so many in a row doesn't mean he's more of a warrior. I think he played well, but I don't believe it makes him the better person. I hope Coach votes party line. I hope he sticks with Albert and Sophie. It's his best chance to win. OZZY IS GOING HOME. Hells ya. I love this game. I am again a fan. He did have the best exit - I'll give him that.

Sophie - She slayed the Dragon! 
Oh dear...Coach or Sophie could win this. I don't think Albert has a chance, but I think they will all get a vote from someone on the jury. Coach made the right decision. The LOML will never watch Survivor again if Albert wins this.

Sophie is working on figuring out her emotional game. She wants to ensure she maintains her composure. She's going in logically and not emotionally. Albert is pretty sure he's played the best game of the three remaining. He wants to be sharper and more on his heels, not on his toes. Something like that. Coach thinks he's like the phoenix rising from the ashes of the dragon that went into the fire. Who will win? I'll be okay if Coach wins, but I'll be even more okay if Sophie wins. Coach kept his team fully together through to the end. He was a great leader and 'coach'.

Albert's last statement - "this is a social experiment...it's not about chess, it's about people..." he brought in God and how thankful he is for this opportunity.
Sophie - it's about outplaying and she held her own...she won three individual immunity...she did well for alliances...her strategy was to follow the alliance...she realized that her social game wasn't as strong as it could have been.
Coach - Redemption was built for Ozzy. He's talking about his past games. He lead with compassion, appreciation, and respect. He recognized he was a leader. He worked with everyone around him and he was happy to have been replenished 10 fold by opening up to others and sharing personally in the game.

Coach wins for the statement. Sophie comes in second for breaking down her game and strategy. Albert didn't even make the top three for me.

Now to the jury questions/statement/whining:
Ozzy - First he said that NO one wanted to vote for any of them. He was all cute with his Pippy Longstocking braids. He proceeded to slam Sophie and called her down and try to make her feel like shit. He felt that Albert didn't do anything to get there. He thought that Coach didn't deserve it because he didn't take him to the end. Ozzy is just a douche bag. Coach played with the TWO people at the end and that was his strongest alliance. Coach answered that he played mostly honourable, but he was not honest all the time.
Jim - wants to know why Albert thinks Coach and Sophie do not deserve to win. Albert thinks him and Sophie carried Coach and that Sophie did not play a social game.
Dawn - What was your strategy Sophie? Sophie said she wished she could be a man to take two young women to the end...she felt that Coach was like a young woman because he would be loyal. She really liked Albert because he enjoyed talking strategy and so did she.
Rick - his feelings are hurt and really what was Sophie supposed to do? He was complaining that he got voted out when he ended up trying to vote her out. Maybe he was upset because he tried to get her to try and vote out Albert and she didn't go for it so he had to try and get her out. I don't know. I think they leave a lot out during the editing process. Should she have voted for herself? What were her options. She had a stronger alliance with Coach and with Albert - this was clear to the audience. It was between her and him - then he calls her a liar. I don't think that was fair.
Now it's Brandon's turn - He addresses Coach first - "You were a man of god and you would never vote me out of the game. Do you have anything to say to me?" Coach said that he knows he is hurt and then Brandon forgave him. He then asked Albert how he feels about using God to get to the final three. Brandon thought he didn't use god to get there. Brandon asked him if he know that he was being sent to Redemption and chose to not give back the individual immunity - Albert kept trying to give more than a one word answer. Brandon kept saying, "YES or NO. YES or NO." Albert said something like, "no not really..." he should have been honest.
What's her name even? I think it might be Whitney...she didn't have anything good to say to Albert or Coach. Then she got to Sophie - she felt it would be hard to write her name down because she took no time to get to know anyone. Sophie did say that she's very blunt and intimidating - she would like to work on her weakness and work on her character.
Edna - "...the inherent ingredient (in Survivor) is manipulation." She felt that religion was used in the best way because religion is the best way to manipulate and "dupe" people. She didn't slam anyone. That was good. She reminded the rest of the jury that they shouldn't be so upset with the three up there because they all allowed it to happen that way.
Keith - who are you again? He asked Coach if he was going to use the immunity idol as a team or would he have kept the idol hidden. Coach, Sophie, and Albert were able to agree that it was a team idol. When they were at the six/six tie for voting, Coach was going to let someone on his team use it if they thought they needed to.
OMG - Sophie totally put the information out there about Brandon not knowing when the idol was hidden. Coach's time is over now! She said that her and Coach sent Brandon out there to search for an idol that they already knew was found! That was hilarious.
Cochran - he really likes Coach. He was pretty happy and believed he was going to the final three with Coach. He liked the game. He then decided that he didn't like the word honour anymore. He said that Coach says it so often he doesn't even know what honour means anymore. Coach just said that he wanted to play the game well. He wanted to keep everyone happy. He realizes now that his game wasn't that great. Coach doesn't play a really great strategy game - Sophie said that she did the strategizing and then Albert piped in. Really - they did do the strategy...but Coach kind of orchestrated it all. I mean, okay, the maestro conducts the orchestra, but the individuals play the game...where was Coach...was he in the orchestra or was he the maestro? I'm not sure anymore. I think Sophie might have been the strategist and maestro.

Reading the VOTES: Coach, Sophie, Coach, Sophie, Coach, Sophie, Sophie, SOPHIE! Holy shit! I won, I won, I won! I mean, Sophie won. :) Sweet.

At the end Sophie spoke about the slamming of her character and I'm really happy with her response: She spoke about how she was a girl scout and her entire life she was taught to be confident and she wasn't going to apologize for it now. I'm glad she said that. She's right, you know? She is a confident woman and she was expected to feel badly about who she is? Good for you, Sophie.

So, we got the first part of the finale show where they figure who wins, but we missed the part where Russell speaks and they show who wins the 100K. I heard that Russell was super mean to his nephew and Brandon recognized that his family is mean and he has God - so all is good. And DB, Ozzy got it. I would have picked Cochran. Cochran or Coach.

18 November 2011

I ate a McChicken Sandwich.

...and it was fucking delicious. I know...vulgar statement all around. Not only did I consume "the taint" contaminating my car, I also dropped an "F" bomb. Perhaps this combination of nasty makes for something somewhat palatable? I could be stretching it.

Interesting observation - I am doing the exercising, eating healthier (for the most part...don't judge - judgy-judgerson), and trying to be present - HOWEVER - when I pulled up to the Tim Horton's drive-thru I was present enough to notice I was throwing away THREE (3) take-away bags from McD's and all that remained inside was McShame. McShame I tell you. What did I do? I tossed the bags and wondered what the person behind me was thinking and 'how dare they judge me' thoughts came to mind. What else did I do? Tonight after the CLiFF (labour film festival) and after a long overdue coffee date with my friend and then after getting gas and milk...I pulled into McD's and ordered a McChicken sandwich. I was "hungry". You know what I mean? The, 'I really didn't eat timely today so I'm going to eat shit food' kind of hungry. I loved every bite of that McShame. I always get onions, pickles, and tomato added. Delish.

I wonder what my lesson is here. Am I not eating enough? I'm eating throughout the day...I start with a protein shake, breakfast a bit later (eggs/oatmeal), lunch, snack (yoghurt/protein bar/fruit), and then dinner. And sometimes I have ice cream - mint chocolate chip - okay...honestly, I typed those words Mint Chocolate Chip and I had a daydream. I paused and fantasized about how much I love it. It's so good. It is really good...I'm not kidding.

Maybe I should eat a little more ... I get the good stuff...veggies, protein, dairy, fruit and I exercise and then I think it should be fine if I have those extra foods. I suppose there is nothing wrong with me doing this. I will keep better control over the McCrap cravings. I should have just had a protein bar from the backseat of my car. That's what they are there for - in case the cravings hit. At least there is something fuel worthy in them. :) So, the observation I suppose is me acknowledging that I can still be healthy and at times indulge - but I need to keep myself in check and recognize when and why I'm craving when I do.

Time for bed.

09 November 2011

Cochran is in for the win! Survivor 23 South Pacific

I can't wait to watch this week. I'm so nervous for Cochran. I don't know why he's my favourite. I mean, if Coach were more consistent in his behaviour I think he would be my fav. Is it fair though that I judge him based on some of his flaws? Does that not make him the man he is? I should love all of him and just come out already as a huge Coach fan. Coach and Cochran just like CC. Canadian Club. Coincidence?

I wonder what will happen with the little one and if his name will change to Cockroach? What do you think?

Oooohhh Ozzy pulls Cochran off to the side alone to talk. Ozzy feels that he was totally screwed over. Brandon is over there ensuring that no one is going to be aggressive with him because he is afraid. LOL. I can't stand Ozzy..."you just stabbed me in the back so hard". Whatever. "That's how a wiener plays." Jim is an asshole! He said that he was a poor excuse for a man. Whatever dink-face. Whitney saved him? Really? Her true colours are showing now. "You have a lot to learn buddy, you disgust me." I can't believe they all just spanked him there and humiliated him one after the other. Rick put his arm around Cochran and let him know it's alright. Jim's a douche bag - I hope he's the next to go.

I mean, okay, they are all skeered because they felt they were solid until the final five...they were getting rid of Cochran as soon as they had the numbers to sacrifice him. I'm glad he stood up to the "cool kid" bully club.

Coach is happy and feels more grounded and confident - humble but not weak, and not arrogant. He did his Thai Chi.

Ozzy's strategy? Keep winning until there is no one left. I hope that doesn't work for you, Ozzy. Sorry.

Tossing coconuts...first four move on to crack open four...take the milk and fill up a tube after running through an obstacle course.

Dawn needs three more...she got the first one. Sophie, Jim, and Whitney. Ozzy's strategy hasn't worked out.

Sophie is tough...her and Dawn made it through first with the milk. I hope Sophie wins!!! Jim is pulling ahead, but they are so close! I want Sophie to win because she's my person in the work pool. Sophie was almost throwin gup and she's OH NO - she threw up! Shit! She would have won. Jim's going to win it. I hate that Jim won. I was really hoping that he was going to hit the road. Cochran wanted him voted out next and they were willing to take him out.

Awesome, they showed a turtle flying through the ocean. Super awesome.

They are voting out OZZY! Or so they say. Now Ozzy is appealing to Coach's sentimental side. He is giving the fakeness some credence and he appreciates it. He did say that it is "too little too late."

Dawn is nearly prepared to go down in flames with her original Savaii Tribe or she might flip.

Fuck you Jim and Whitney. He apparently has a an idea. He is going to give Ozzy the necklace/immunity. I hope Jim's ass ends up getting voted out. He knows he doesn't have a long time there anyhow and he said they only need two people to flip from the other side and they might have a chance.

Okay, I had to take a bit of a break because I was eating the most delicious fucking pizza in the world. It's Donair Pizza from Tony's.

Okay, they are all sticking together with Cochran! Jim is trying to appeal to the Warrior in Coach and then Jeff asked him if he was going to switch it up and get rid of Cochran and what change would that make to the game...Coach said that if they voted out Cochran all they would be proving is that if you stick up for yourself you get screwed! Right on! Brandon even said that they were sticking with Cochran and that was that - period. I sincerely hope this is accurate. They keep panning between Sophie and Albert and if they switch I swear to GOD. I swear to GOD I will bitch slap them both. Hard. Verbally in this blog.
I don't have to - they followed through with the right thing to do. So, Ozzy thinks he's going to win every redemption challenge and then win the game for good. I am even going to salute you Dawn - You voted proper.

Ozzy caught the biggest fucking fish in the world at redemption. They are going to be strong. I kind of hope Keith wins now.

Cochran was being cute and wearing Coach's dress coat and Rick's cowboy  hat. It was really cute. I see why he does that as well. He is trying to appeal to their egos. Good, smart, man.

Ya, another immunity challenge. Stand on narrow beam and balance a ball on a wooden bow. I think Dawn will win. Oooh! Confidence offers you the chance to mange. They get pastries and ice coffee. Coach wants to compete today. Jim, Dawn, and Whitney are competing. Solidarity forever Bitches - they are eating. I don't know if I could have sat out and ate the sweets.

Jim lost in a heartbeat! LOL - Jeff, "Jim has no chance to win immunity." Jim - "I KNOW" and he moves to his seat.

Dawn and Whitney are left. Dawn is like near throwing up and she recovered from it. Dawn could not hold on anymore and Whitney won. I thought for sure Dawn would win.

Keith was not happy with how inclusive they were being with Dawn during the challenge and he would "like to nip it in the bud" right now. Not too sure what he means by that...perhaps just vote her out. He has been strategizing to get her out. He thinks she's really strong. Jim thought it would be fun to get rid of Edna, but Keith is not interested in getting them out.

Brandon is not sure what to say - he gets it in his head that someone is going home and then he is mean towards them. I understand why he does that - it's a good distancing technique. Whitney is crying because she doesn't feel like she is a bully and a mean person, but she had no qualms about putting down Cochran and calling him names. So - if that's what you are feeling poorly about get over it...apologize but don't minimize your role in how the majority are voting.

OMG Coach has a rosary. See, I like that. If I knew both the necessary prayers I might find meditative qualities in doing it. Edna got three votes. Jim is now with three votes. Four for Jim, five, and seventh person voted out of Survivor South Pacific - Jim. I wonder what Brandon was going on about then with respect to Dawn.

Next week they show Coach threatening anyone who goes against the family. Albert is the one he is alluding to. I'm sure of it.

02 November 2011

OMG - picked on kid's nightmare. Survivor 23

After Coach's sermon of last week - god how annoying was that? Does he really think he's a preacher? I can't get past it. I really wanted to blog about it...okay, pause...I enjoyed the episode and had fun laughing about it with a friend of mine via text, but then I got caught up in school work and Yukon Employees' Union Convention (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) and then I had to work night shift Monday and Tuesday.
Anyhow, excuses aside - Christine kicked ? out. Ozzy got super pissed and punched at the wall and kicked and cried about the whole thing. So, he ended up giving Cochran his idol and said that they needed to vote him out so that he could beat Christine on redemption island because he's so awesome. I hope she kicks his ass.

Right now it's going to happen. Cochran really fucked up the immunity challenge and so I thought he was totally going to redemption island. They might end up going to the merge very soon and they are at risk of being less in numbers...that's why Ozzy went.

Cochran is supposed to be a double agent - he said he already is good at acting because he doesn't really like his tribe - however, then he tried to do a Pachino accent and it sucked. No offence...Cochran is probably my favourite character on this season.

I can't remember who got voted out last week. I wish they would just say already.

Ozzy is, to quote a friend, a "dough head". I hope Christine doesn't believe the story he's telling - they as a team decided that Cochran was supposed to be getting voted out and then he pulled out the idol and Ozzy ended up getting sent to redemption. Douche. I hope she kicks his ass.

Everyone is at the Redemption Island arena...I think they'll merge. Ozzy can't act for shit. He's trying to play it up...Albert doesn't buy it and neither does Coach.

Please Christine! Please win this dual. Ozzy still has red on his shirt...over his heart. They are takin gtheir spots. This is so exciting. EEEEEEEE. Someone will get back in the game after this challenge. They have to build a pole to reach over and grab a key.

Christine tries first...not strong enough. Ozzy trying...it dropped (the key ring). Ozzy gets his first key. He needs two more. Now he has the second key. He needs only one more. Now he has all three and Christine has none. FUCK. He won the dual and Christine is going home. That blows. What a dick.

Are they merging or what? Yes they are. The buffs are dropped and the new colour is....they didn't show what the new colour is...unless they are grey like the colour in the bag...nope...they are yellow. Food and wine for merging. 6-6 for numbers for both teams. Cochran and Coach are bonding. He's really just going to try and get Keith out I think. Coach told him straight up that he thinks they are trying to play their entire tribe...Cochran got schooled by the COACH - biatch. Cochran thinks Coach is a smart guy. What the hell was Cochran sitting in? It looked like a hive or something. Cochran totally told the other tribe what happened for real. That Ozzy had a dream about winning redemption. Cochran totally fits in with the Upolo tribe. He ended up giving Ozzy back the idol so he could be honest about that. He's going to betray his other tribe and he's happy that he has the power to determine possibly the outcome of the game. I knew he had it in him to be the one running the show. He's awesome. Cochran I salute you.

Dawn...Cochran and Dawn are having a conversation. I think the two of them will merge together with the other tribe and get rid of everyone else. She saw Cochran get treated poorly and not as an equal member of the tribe. She doesn't want to stay with their old tribe because the others are really much nicer. She's crying because she didn't stand up for Cochran and she feels bad about trying to protect her own interests...she feels so bad about that. I get it. What an interesting psychological perspective in this game. Maybe I'll write a paper about it. If Cochran can write a paper in law school...I probably can for psychology...or even just for fun...hmmm....I wonder if it is already out there. She's going to side with the other tribe. They are nicer people. They really are.

New Tribe Name: Tuna something...Te Tuna? Now we are up for individual immunity. Two people get it. One man and one woman - have they done this before?

Challenge: Balance game...balancing  themselves and holding a double rope thing with a coconut on top. Who has good balance...my money is on Dawn. Edna and Cochran are out quickly. Maybe the dragon slayer will get it. Whitney didn't make it very far. Two women left - Sophie and Dawn...Dawn wins immunity for the women. Keith will probably win for the men...Coach is now out. Rick - the ranger - is now out. Jim - the dealer - is out and now Keith. Ozzy and Brandon and Albert are left. Ozzy will get it...he's a surfer so he has balance. Brandon is out. Keith is out. I wish he would have won. Ozzy got immunity with Dawn - both from the same original tribe. I think Keith will get sent out to redemption.

They are talking about voting out Sophie. I think they are only picking her because she's not the super pretty girl. Now they are questioning whether or not they are all solid...if they are all solid they might have to pick rocks because there will be six/six. Jim is a douche bag. He figures Ozzy should give Whitney the idol...I don't know...

Cochran is scared he's going to get beaten up because he's flipping on his tribe - Sophie, "which is a legitimate things for a dodgeball target to be scared of." Coach said he's sleeping between Edna and Coach or he can sleep next to Sophie if he wants to. "The nerd will finally rise up to the bully." Awesome. I can't wait...it's going to be HAWESOME. Dawn is now not too sure what to do. I think Cochran is freaking out about it. She doesn't want to start a war. I don't get it. She was making so much sense and now she's scared. I think he should flip - they won't give Cochran a million dollars even if he does not flip. So, now that she has the idol around her neck she's comfortable. She doesn't think he should flip, but she's not telling anybody else on their tribe. Whoa...what's going to happen?

Tribal Council - what's going to happen...it will be a six and six tie. Jeff brings up the possibility of a switch. What a boring tribal tonight. Sweet - Sophie said she was offended that they thought they would be so stupid. She even said that they were pathetic. Ozzy said that the idol is in hand and it belongs to the entire tribe. The LOML thinks Cochran will jump ship (unless of course he changes his mind). He gave the idol to Whitney. The votes are turning up for Keith...AHHHH  - 6 votes for Keith and then RICK. Why are they doggin on Rick? Cochran did not jump ship. I wonder if he will change his vote now. They can only vote for Rick or Keith. YES! He did jump ship. Awesome - so awesome. He got a little scared after and Jim called him a Coward. Brandon stood up for HIM! Yes! "Don't talk to him like that! That's what you get for talking to people like that." Brandon is going to stick up for him. OMG I hope this doesn't back fire too badly. They were showing that Albert and Sophie might switch up the game even more. I feel a little sick to my stomach about the whole thing.

10 October 2011

Survivor South Pacific Week 4

Christine survived another round! She will be here again next week. She had to take out poor old Papa Bear. I was kind of hoping that he'd be around for a few more weeks, but guess I'll get over it as soon as next week's episode starts with Christine trying to oust Stacey.

I don't know, I think they might be on pretty equal footing. Stacey and Christine were friends and all...so I don't know what it's going to look like.

What happened this week? I watched it and was going to watch it a second time when the satellite went out. Fucking satellite. It is only television though, right?

What happened, what happened? Hmmm...okay, Cochran and Jim were trying to mastermind a plan to get Elyse gone so that Ozzy maybe will start to feel a little bit uncomfortable in his situation. They didn't get a chance to try and pull it off because during the challenge, DAWN kicked some serious ass. She is super tough. It was down to her and Stacey. They were tasked with holding a bar across their backs and then 10 pound sand bags were added to each end at different intervals. The opposite teams decided who would get the weight added to their arms. I think it was Stacey, L'il Hantz, Jim, Dawn, and two others. There was Keith (he lost first I think) and I can't remember who else was there. Either way, it ended up being Stacey and Dawn for the finish and Dawn was just able to hold on just a little bit longer.

For some strange reason everyone on Ozzy's team got bathing suits. I think it might have been on account of Dawn not going into the water in just her bra and underwear. She said that she is a mormon and she was not comfortable. One of the last mormons they had on the show was a bit of a nudist so I never even thought about it. I think it did give explanation to some of the goings on in Survivor though. They didn't let them bring suits because they were hoping that they would all just be comfortable in their skivvys. Good for you Dawn. However, in a real life survival situation you wouldn't have anything but the clothes on your back...in which case if they are going to get fire and canteens right from the get go, they might as well get bathing suits.

What else of significance happened this week on Survivor? Brandon is still annoying. Coach pissed me off at the end when he tried to give Stacey a hug after he encouraged the entire tribe to vote her out. I think Edna should have gone personally. They were showing how much she annoys everyone with all of her chatter. Coach even told Stacey that it wasn't certain who it was going to be. He was all offended that she didn't want to hug him...what a douche bag.

Otherwise, TV hasn't been too much missed. We just downloaded all the shows we missed: Dexter, Breaking Bad, and (for the LOML not for me) Desperate Housewives.

28 September 2011

Survivor 23 - Week 3 - LATER Semhar

I'm so glad she's gone! Thanks Christine! I hope you make a long, long way. You deserve good things for beating out Semhar. Have you ever seen anyone so happy to be knocked out of the game of Survivor? I thought I might be the only one getting annoyed with her repeating her poetry...but even Mr. Probst (Jeff) was rolling his eyes. She did a complete rendition of her poem that I had on here a few weeks ago...I wanted to like it - I really wanted to like that poem. I wanted to like it so much I even said I liked it initially. I listened to it once more and thought...weird...there's a line in her poem where she says she doesn't care if he calls her "Shelley" because that's his mother's name and he loves her as he loves me." I thought...didn't you think about that first...? Little creepy.

Anyhow, I jump ahead of myself...before that Mikayla was trying to figure out what was going on. Brandon was so upset with himself for being like his Uncle Russell and he wanted to be a hero and he told a blatant lie...he says, "I reap what I sow, man." He loves God and Jesus Christ. That's great. Stop talking all the should game and just do (I got that from the LOML sitting here beside me during the episode).

Treemail let everyone know that two people from each tribe can go to see the Redemption Island battle. Coach asked if he could go and Stacey said she would like to go also. So, those two went from Upolu and from Savaii - Ozzy and Elyse.

As I've already stated - SEMHAR GOES HOME! She leaves a nice warm sweater for Christine - very nice move. She was so annoying...she started talking about how she felt abandoned and much like her life she has had to move around a lot. I am sure she has a really interesting and sad story...but it's Survivor and I'm happy Christine is sticking around a little bit longer. I am watching this a second time and I was so happy I could forward past the poem. I can't believe they gave her that air time. Oh well, that's probably all she really wanted. I did add to her youtube hits...I'm sure I'm not the only one. I was a little worried Christine would drop her totem, but she did not. They were holding a totem on top of a platform with a skinny stick...they would add sections after a certain amount of time and it would have been really easy to lose this challenge. I think they both tried.

L'il Hantz came clean about his relationship to Russell. Mikayla cracks me up, "You say you don't wanna lie, but you keep doing it." She didn't say that directly to him, but she should have. Coach is still on his side and wants to keep him around.

Papa Bear is on the outs with Dawn and Cochran. Ozzy came back with a nice fish. He thinks he and Keith have a brother thing going on and so he told Keith about the hidden idol and within minutes Keith told Whitney. For some reason after he told Whitney, she was rocking him back and forth on the hammock. Why? Do they have a showmance happening? That word needs to be added to Webster's Dictionary - Showmance. All she needs now is a palm frond.

Mikayla calls out Brandon and she wants to know why? She wants to know why he wants her out and why she couldn't talk to her about it. He thinks she has an attitude. He then says he's trying to apologize to her when he just got done telling her he doesn't like her. He calls the entire group over to have a conversation. He's such a dink. He points out that she doesn't have an alliance and no one said one word. What a douche bag. Brandon, you are a douche bag. You really are. And you know what? She ended up going off on her own and crying. No one followed her and no one talked to her or tried to consol her. I am not happy with the rest of the tribe either. Sophie believes him to be a devious jerk - it's in his blood line. Brandon doesn't think he should have lost his temper, but he did and it was awful. He was lying there next to fire getting covered in ashes. Maybe he will rise like that phoenix...I doubt it.

Coach notes that the aggression differs from Russell's, but it is still aggression nonetheless.

For the challenge they win comfort food (coffee, cookies, sugar). They have to race along a floating bridge with a body board...collect a banner in a bag...bring it back and then some other tribe members will take a grappling hook and bring all five banner bags up to the platform...once they get them all they have to organize how they are hanging to show a picture of their tribe totem type thing....It wasn't very exciting.

Sophie is strong like bull! I love it. Papa Bear couldn't keep up...they have to real in the people on the body board after they collected the banner bag. Dawn showed lots of strength in this challenge. Brandon gave a shout out to God on his way back on the boogie board...finger point straight to the sky. :)

When Savaii got back to camp, they were sure they were going to vote out Papa Bear...it ended up being between him and Cochran. Papa Bear went for a run into the trees and tried to trick the others into believing he found the idol. Jim sort of believed him. It didn't end up helping him much, he still got voted out in the end. I believe he made some really important comments during tribal to set the stage for something pretty interesting. He mentioned to Dawn that she's in the group of three with him and Cochran and that's okay...it's Jim and the other four that should worry because they won't make it past that five mark. At least the three know where they stand in the grand scheme of things. When they showed the scenes for next week something interesting is going to come about between Jim and Cochran. I hope it's good. I hope the underdogs come together and make something cool happen. I don't know if Jim knows it or not...but he's really not part of the cool kid group...he's there simply because he's not old and he's not super nerdy. The other four are together because they are all carbon copies of each other. Cochran also pointed out the searching for a (I never know if I should use a or an before an H...see) hidden immunity idol really doesn't prove loyalty for a tribe and group cohesiveness.

Overall, this episode wasn't great. I guess it will start getting better soon. I'm hopeful for next week. :)

Favourite Quote thingy from this week: "Nervous neurotic scrambler" = Cochran...haha...okay, he doesn't want to be that guy...I think he held it together this week.

23 September 2011

Silly Zazen - just keep at it.

After sitting through my annoyance of 'no teacher' I finally picked up the book, "Zen Mind Beginner's Mind" again. I read the best chapter and regained confidence in my practice. I don't know if confidence is the right word or not. I read last night something along the lines of not giving up if you don't have a teacher. Something about when you work out there are difficult points to it and you have to work through it - that means it's working. I have had the opportunity to recognize the weakness in my practice. He wrote about that too.

So, in the spirit of Charlie Brown and Lucy...I will continue to hold up the football for myself and run at it as quickly as possible with as much intention of hitting it through the hole in the ozone...and each time the ball gets moved away just before I hit it...I'll smile and try for it again. And then I might realize that I need to lose the expectations and just sit. :) 
Okay, so I've been thinking about the whole Lucy duping Charlie Brown every time she holds up that damn football. I'm starting to think she's that nasty Zen Master whacking him with a stick every time he sits wrong or being non-pulsed when he shares some "amazing" thought discovered while pondering all of the little nuggets gleaned while being "open" to it all. Maybe there's a book deal out there for someone - unless it's already out there...you know, like the "Tao of Pooh" book...there could be one comparing the Peanuts characters to the teachings of Zen. ? Who knows...?

Ruffles Onion Dip and Survivor 23

This week we find out if Semhar is going to have more fodder for her poetry by getting punted out. Maybe she could write a poem about Ruffles Onion Dip. It's so good.
Upolu won immunity last week and Semhar got set to the island by the Savaii tribe. Cochran is going to have to step it up so that he doesn't get sent there next. It would truly suck if he lost to Semhar. 
Oh dear lord...she whining and crying about how she gave her team her all and they sent her away, "figures" she says. What does that mean? She has abandonment issues and doesn't understand how people can be so mean. Hahahaha! You are on Survivor. Now she's repeating her poetry...dear lord. "I don't miss you, I miss feeling loved." Wow. 
Cochran doesn't want to be the antsy, paranoid, nerd kid that he has been. He wants to be cool and collected. We shall see. Ozzy identifies with his passion. Could he sound more like a pot-head? I'm just wondering, dude. Ut oh, Ozzy and the tall skinny dude (Keith) are making plans and they want to bring Jimmy into the mix. Teehee, they could be Jimmy (hendrix), Bob (marley), and Keith (richards). 

Upolu Tribe: Coach is working Edna. He is her friend and not in the alliance. He is wondering if anyone found the idol. Edna is alligning herself with Coach because he's strong and she's one of the smallest females. Now he feels that he needs to protect her. Christine might have the idol. Who knows?

Savaii Tribe: Cochran is cutting coconuts without being asked to do so. His mother is super protective and she doesn't want him to be using a matchette without supervision. Haha. 
Ozzy is "fishing" for the idol. He's climbing trees...he's so good at that. I think he's going to find it. He found this massive tangle of vines and roots and there it was. He found it without the silly written clue. He found another hiding place up high in a tree and he may be the only person who can climb it.

Back at Upolu: L'il Hantz and Coach are chatting. He believes Coach has honour and integrity. Now he's being very ungodly not telling him that he is Russell's nephew. So, now he's going to tell him. Coach is silly. So, Brandon shows him his tattoo with Hantz written on it..."Uh, that's not your last name is it?" Now, Coach is scared because he doesn't want to get voted out by Brandon like Russell voted him out. L'il Hantz is going to be a man of his word and he's going to play "like a man of God." Now they are praying. Awesome. They are continuing to bring religion into this game. I wonder if that many people, statistically speaking (like out of 18 people), in the USA are that religious. Maybe they are. I have no idea. 

Off to Savaii: Elyse is praying to her ancestors to help her figure out how to catch fish. The men went out and the women were on the beach. I'm not sure where Cochran is. Jim, Keith, Ozzy, Elyse, and Whitney. Jim wants those five to make it to the end. So, they are going to kick out Papa Bear, Cochran, and Dawn just because they aren't part of the cool crew. I hope the outcasts step it up...but in true Survivor history, they probably won't. 

Blue Tribe: Mikayla, Albert, and L'il Hantz are going fishing. Mikayla is pretty tough. Brandon doesn't like her and even when he talks about her his voice shakes and he feels that she is using her "seductive ways" to get people drawn in. "Being a married man, I have to stay away from that stuff." So, he doesn't want her in the game because he can't control his urges? He wants to blame her instead of admitting his own urges? Oh ya, that's right - being a married man and all he couldn't possibly have those sorts of thoughts about another person.  

Christine doesn't have the idol, but she's still looking. She didn't find the idol but she did find the clue to find the idol. 

The Challenge:
Upon arrival, all of Upolu were eating delicious fruit. They are showing up the other tribe that they eat together, they are strong and they will stick together and win together. We shall see. 
They are doing this may pole type thing for keys and then they have to move a bunch of crates around until they get the winning crate to the right spot. They are getting a reward of comfort - pillows, blankets, a hammock. Oh yes, and immunity.
Edna is sitting out for the Upolu Tribe. 
Let's go! Savaii is having trouble right off the bat. Cochran is the target messer upper. 
Upolu made it through and Stacey is unlocking the tribe. They are working the puzzle now! Upolu is taking their time and Savaii is flying through the puzzle. Blue team has to step it up. They have lost their lead I think. Or at least that's what Jeff is saying and seeing as he knows how to win the challenge, he's probably right. Savaii just overtook the other tribe. Savaii won immunity and reward. Huge come back victory. I wonder who the blue team will send away. I kind of hope it's Mikayala so she can kick Semhar's butt. 

Yummy! We are having Ruffel's Onion chip dip and regular Lays ripple chips. So good.

3 for Christine, 3 for Stacey, and I'm not sure who else they are going to vote for...I think they will be voting for Mikayla because L'il Brandon has a wife and family and he feels uncomfortable. Coach believes that Brandon has demons that he is facing on a daily basis. He's threatened by her because she's a strong woman and so Sophie is worried because she's strong too...well, I don't think you make him as nervous. HAHAHAHAHA! Coach just asked Mikayla to step away from their conversation. "They think I'm not trusable," Mikayla said. Edna can't lie. Christine was asking her about what was going on. So, L'il Hantz is pushing for Mikayla. No one understands his logic. 

So, he's all fricken paranoid...she's not flirting with anyone and Brandon is being a dink. I think he needs to get sent to Redemption and he needs to get beat out of the game by Semhar. Let's see what transpires. I think Brandon is a dangerous person. He's trying to protect himself by keeping everyone away instead of dealing with his "demons" as Coach puts it. He turns people into demons to be battled, but really...look to yourself, Brandon. Mikayla's "seductive powers" are your own projections.

Coach is being made a fool...he's trying to turn Christine and Stacey against Mikayla. But they didn't bring her name up at all. Jeff is trying to clear things up. Now, Coach won't say who told him the information. So, he's showing loyalty by not saying anything. Mikayla wants to know if Stacey or Christine are voting her out. So, Brandon puts his hand up and comes clean about his information sharing for getting rid of Mikayla. Albert is pretty much calling out Brandon and his character and his personality shining through...something along those lines. I don't know who will get sent to Redemption today. And Jeff keeps saying that they are going home...they aren't going home they are going to redemption island. Christine does not play the hidden idol. I don't think she has it. Who voted for SOPHIE? Oh no you didn't! Leave her alone. Stacey, Edna, Christine, and Sophie all got one vote and then two for Stacey and three for Christine. And now three for Stacey...one vote left. Christine is off to Redemption Island. No one voted for Mikayla. 

Next week on Survivor...I think Brandon is losing it. Stacey voted for Sophie. I hope she's next to go. 
Survivor quote of the week? "I don't know what his problem was, but he's a tool." Christine in reference to Coach. Awesome. 

Here are your Survivors!
Blue Team - Upolu Tribe
Rick "the Rancher" 
Brandon Hantz 

Red Team - Savaii Tribe
Papa Bear 

18 September 2011

Slacking on Sitting AKA: Zero Zazen

I'm living in a bit of self-deprecation just because. I know it's silly. I know it, yet I persevere. I have slacked in sitting over the past week or two. I have a hard time following the standard accepted week now that I'm working shift work with 4.5 days off in a row. I work 2 day shifts, off for 24 hours, and then work 2 night shifts. This rotation will be as it is until the end of time as I know it. I follow my weeks in this pattern. So, it might be more like 10 days. There may have only been about three days in there where I did not sit at all in a 24 hour period.
I miss it.
I avoid it.
I dread it.
I fantasize about what it could be like with a physically present teacher.
I long to experience sitting with a group of people.
I can't do that here in Whitehorse.
I choose to not set this up here in Whitehorse.
I reminisce about historical times I sat.
There is no past.
There is no future.
I am making the choice to not sit Zazen, so instead to sit in avoidance. Awesome. "What are you doing that for?" you might ask. I propose this excuse (copied and pasted from Brad Warner's blog):
"As Shunryu Suzuki said in 1962:
"If you want to meditate you must have (the) instruction of (the) right teacher, especially when you want to meditate at home. It will take at least six months before you get your own right posture. Everyone has their own right posture but without instructions you cannot find it. For it to be your true posture, there must be (the) spirit which is called (the) Essence of Mind. Without spirit it cannot be your own. So we say, 'When you become yourself then Zen becomes Zen.'"''

So what am I left to do? Do I just continue to sit and then see what happens? I am pretty certain I'm excuse making. I am working full-time. I'm taking two university courses and the time dedicated to these courses is about what I was spending on thinking about Buddhism, sitting, and reading about it put together. I'm still working out with weights every other day and running when I can and walking when the running's not working. I guess I'm running out of time to do some things. I guess I'm using the time I have to excuse make. Really...ten minutes of sitting only takes 10 minutes. I suppose another excuse might be this:
I am not reading the Buddhist literature as I was before my courses started. Taking that time to read from various teachers (Brad, Shunryu, various others in "the book of mu", etc...) was really integral. I would contemplate what would resonate most with me from those books during that sitting time. I can't really tell you what I think of when I sit at home now...you know when I do sit. 

Last words: I'm going to take the time if I really want to continue this practice. If I choose to not take the time to sit (even just 15 minutes twice a day) I choose to not take the time. There are no excuses. There are no reasons to not sit. I have to own my choices.

16 September 2011

You slay me Dragon Slayer - Survivor 23: South Pacific

Oh HAIR no.
Oh yes! Another season - Coach, my muse, my love to hate to love of you is inexplicable...know what I mean? :) Coach is back and I am happy. He's going to try to not be so self-righteous and judgemental of others this season. Good luck, Coach. I can see you have done a lot of personal work (finger point to me - self righteous, judgemental one) and are also working on the confidence.

The tribes meet and are introduced to Coach and Ozzy. No one wanted Coach to be on their team, but everyone wanted Ozzy.

Oh - it's Redemption Island again. Sweet.

Why is Russell's nephew even here? He's 19 and says that he's not going to reveal his relationship to Russell...he won't be able to take his shirt off - he has two different tattoos with Hantz in them.

One point - did anyone else notice the entire blue tribe is wearing all dark clothing?

Cochran - he LOVES this game. He is a Harvard, pale-skinned boy who has no shame in expressing his emotions and being open and honest. I don't know if he does this because he can't hold back or if he really is as awesome as I think he is.

When Coach and Ozzy got their paint-filled eggs to smash...Coach was really hesitant to get his fancy shirt stained and seemed like he didn't want to get dirty. Ozzy was all - YA, SMASH EGG SMASH OVER MY HEART. MY HEART IS IN THIS GAME WITH THIS TEAM. MY LOVE. He ended up rubbing it in his hair and ran to his tribe with open arms.

Poor Coach was nearly repelled away like magnet ends of the same polarity.

Coach and Ozzy had to compete in a challenge to win their tribes fire and taro (potatoes). Ozzy won in the end with the clear direction of his tribe and keeping his cool. I didn't get the puzzle instructions and neither did the boys...they had to be told how to do it numerous times. It was really funny when the challenge started - okay, I'm sure it was all sentimental and meaningful, but they did a prayer to the heavens and centring of self - only worked for Ozzy though.

I was wrong before about Ozzy's hair - it don't look so bad when it's wet - it just looks fuzzy when dried and brushed.

See, Ozzy's team used clear direction like left and right and Coach's team used words like, "over there, no over that way" - not so clear to me.

Ozzy is taking on the tribe like he's a god or something. He just wants to enjoy the time and relax and play. They didn't even work on their shelter the first day.

Semhar - she's a poet. beatbox. she had to represent. You should have seen Ozzy's face if you missed it! He's so smitten with her and mesmorized. He loves her. I mean, he respects her passion and wants her around for the long haul. I think he's looking for his Amber.

Poor Cochran was so shy to show off his translucent body. He did a slo-mo run like Bay Watch into the water. Sweet.

Pappa Bear (gay NY detective) - HOLLA. I'm so happy he's out there representing for the other gay cops out there that might not feel super safe in being who they are. It's all good. We are all right. I'm happy he's there. He seems descent thus far.
Papa Bear
Coach took the lead and encouraged and 'coached' his team through the first day of building a shelter and he let everyone know that he's just going to be real and that's it.

Sophie - Russian and Economics major - I think she JUST recently graduated. I think I like her so far. She seems pretty down to earth. She's my player in the work pool. Hold on, her caption says, "Medical Student." Super smart. She must be the Cochran of the blue team.

Christine is all about trying to find the idol - oh sorry, she's out looking for firewood, but I don't think she brought any back. She seems tough. She leaves Coach pretty nervous. She's his target number one. Before the returning Coach and Ozzy went to their teams, she mentioned that "they are just temporary players."

Jim - he's a "science" teacher - the cool teacher...more like the MARIJUANA DEALER. He said he won over 40 poker tournaments and he has his MBA. Okay, so they are medical marijuana dispensaries. And he's not saying a word about his contribution to different levels of addiction in society. He's sticking to the noble teacher story.

Dawn was losing her shit about not having the shelter done. I was talking with a colleague and her perception was that of "control freak." She said she's a planner and she's not sure if Bob Marley (Ozzy) is. She is an English Professor and mother of 6 - her and her husband adopted all of their children.

Coach and Mikayla (lingerie football player - wtf is that?) were buggin little Russell. He seems so nervous about the pretty playboy bunny (February 2011)! I bet it's on account of his youth and inexperience. Mikayla seems quite confident in herself and her sexual being and he is not comfortable at all. I think it's on account of his immature sexual expression -  he might not be able to control some somatic responses and that's nerve wracking. He's a 'young married gentleman'. He doesn't want to get close to her because he knows that he WANTS her and is scared of his normal biological responses. Good luck to you sir in your growth. Don't be a dick because of your fear.

Commercial interruption - I want to watch "Two Broke Girls" because I love one of the stars. Okay, I don't 'love' in that way, but I believe she's a good actress.
Kat Dennings (to the right - your right - as you look at the screen)
Sophie wants an astrologer, but she's sure Coach can do it. They were just sitting out there chatting and getting to know each other. They set up their alliance of five. Very smart move! It's comprised of Coach, Sophie, Russell Jr., the Ranger, and Albert...and it's Coach 3.0 actually. 3.0, that's pretty high expectations Coach. Please don't disappoint.

Pappa Bear and Dawn are chatting. He's trying to help her keep her shit together because they are the oldest in the tribe (Ozzy's tribe) and might be the first up. She couldn't handle herself the second day because she didn't sleep well at all. Ozzy was really strong for her I think. He wanted her to feel her feelings and own them and let them come through so she could get past it. She has 6 kids, she's a teacher, she's always in charge without question I think. That or she's used to having a few quick sips of red wine.  Oh wait, that's me. Excuse me...


Semhar's contribution - how to brush your teeth and you can use pasty ash for tooth paste. Thanks for that. Okay, I'm sure it's smart. Dental hygiene is important.

Cochran, you are charming. You are a provider to the tribe. Good for you for opening your first coconut with a machette.

L'il Russell is out there fishing as soon as possible to provide for the tribe. He wants to have a good social game unlike his familia.

First challenge - They have to scramble under a maze type thing, run through a coconut thing, climb a 10 foot tall wall, OMG Albert pulled mini Hantz up the wall - WOW, okay that kid must weight like 180 or more and with his arms Albert just lifted him up like it was almost nothing. Awesome strength. They had to then dig out a machette and then cut through some rope to drop a tonne of coconuts. They then had to shoot coconuts into a giant net to raise up another bag of coconuts that would in turn raise their flag. Blue tribe, Coach's tribe wins by just ONE coconut. Semhar (Ozzy's tribe) just kept missing and missing and missing. She was so tired and crying and wanting to switch out after just two shots on net. Mikayla - I think she made EVERY basket and her final shot won it for Upalu (blue) Tribe! Heck ya! I was really happy about that finish for sure.

Jim got super pissed because Semhar said she only felt "sorta bad." They are sending someone to Redemption Island.

Their clue about the hidden immunity idol - 'there's a hidden clue for it'. Find that clue and you'll be able to find it easier. I don't know her name...the mortician...she nearly found the clue and she knew it. At least she realizes she was most likely about to touch it.

Semhar was really hurt by Jim's response. I kind of agree she just didn't want someone to call her out because she already felt down and why would another person try to put them down even more. Maybe he should smoke a joint?

Ozzy is trying so hard to save her and tries to get Cochran out of the game because he's not the "cool" kid and he thinks he's weak. He's not though. He's a good, honest player and should stick around. He's the biggest fan ever.

I have an issue with everyone getting on Semhar's case for volunteering to do something when NONE of them stepped up to do it either. No one said, "Hey, I'll do it. I think I should." But, she did say she wanted to do it and she might have been offended if someone jumped up...but you never know unless you try - right? Ozzy just wants the love of his life, his soul mate to stay in this game.

"It's explicitly been stated that I am...". You're awesome Cochran. You were awesome until you thought you were better and cooler than Papa Bear and the other girls. Come on, that's not nice. You are quite nearly the most articulate person I have heard speak. I believe the words he chooses are mostly the best options and most clearly understood by all. He doesn't dumb things down or add more than necessary. Except when he first heard that he was up for potentially getting voted out.

I'm happy Semhar is on Redemption. Hey, maybe it will be a great story of revival from Redemption and she will have some great poetry come out of it. Here's to hoping.

She wept like a banshee as she left tribal counsel. Ozzy, "I should have taught her how to make a fire." Ain't you sweet, Ozzy?

OMG! They ALL voted her out! Even Ozzy voted for her! They were all sure she was going to Redemption. When did Ozzy change his mind? Those sneaky editors! Oh you.

A Limitless Love - poem by Semhar. I like it.