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21 December 2010

They all got to see it. Not me. Not at night anyhow.


21 December 2010: Last night was a lunar eclipse. I saw it not. The weather got all selfish and stuff and didn’t open up the sky one bit. Apparently this is the first time in like FOUR CENTURIES a lunar eclipse coincided with winter solstice and everything. I wanted to see it. I knew I wasn’t going to be witnessing it and maybe the moon knew herself. She presented in red and aglow to me yesterday morning when I was driving to work. It was awesome. I only saw it a little bit and the angle the road I was driving on to the mountain the moon was falling behind it was gone in just one short bend in the road and I never really had the change to see it from the same angle. Next time I’m going to pull over. However, I still have a vivid picture in my mind of the way it looked and if I stopped to take a picture, I might have missed the essence of it all.
Of course I might not have and I would have this amazing picture for the rest of my life – it’s a chance you take.
I do wonder if that’s what the moon looked last night behind the clouds. The other day an astronomer guest on "Quirks and Quarks"  said that the moon is a big nuisance to the sky, dang Dr. Mike Brown  That’s not a nice thing to say about my friend.
I’m stalling. I don’t want to go to town and I don’t want to get firewood or clean out my dresser or my side of the closet or anything. Okay, I don’t want to take a shower because I don’t know what I’m going to wear and I’m not sure where my other pair of jeans are that I like to wear and I don’t want to make the bed. I’m feeling relaxed and quite comfortable on the couch right now with my blanket, computer, and hardly have to move to reach for cup of coffee. I’m even listening to Christmas music as a way to try and get myself into the Christmas spirit. Everyone should listen to this Christmas album and department stores should use it too. I'm not sure, maybe they already do, I did my shopping pre-Xmas sounds. I used to love it when I was a kid. I’m sure it’s on account of my mom making sure that we were making Christmas cookies and decorating and school had us awash in anything Santa. We hardly learned about the Winter Solstice. I’m not sure where I learned about it from. Maybe we did in nursery rhymes – on a more creative bent through art classes (language arts specifically I guess). I mean what do you call it when you’re in first and third grade? I’m glad to think about those things now. Pretty interesting to think that I attended a Public School and we didn’t talk anywhere near … hold on, maybe they ddin’t talk about either one much. They must have avoided it altogether and the talk was on the school yard. I don’t think when we were making decorations at Christmas time we focused on a Creche/Nativity – more on Christmas Trees, Santa Claus, and stars. Oh and Candy Canes for sure.
Well, I suppose this music and creative writing is helping to slip me into a Christmas spirit. Now I have to do the bummer thing and check my banking and ensure that I don’t spend over budget. “Know your limit, Stay within it.” See, I learned something from the casino!

Favourite Song on the album download tagged above:

The Pogues ft: Christy MacColl - Fairytale of New York

17 December 2010

Travel Thoughts

Sometimes I feel like a child. I am sitting on the airplane right now. The person in front of me has insisted on putting their chair back to the full on recline position. I decided that it would be appropriate to adjust and readjust the screen on the mini-television on the back of her chair. I know it was annoying, but I also know that there is not much more space for me to continue with my day. Now I sit here and type as furiously as possible in order to annoy further. I even decided to put my seat back just a little bit to show her. It shows her nothing because it doesn’t affect her at all. I wonder if putting her seat back was in retaliation to the person in front of her putting their seat back. Nope. I just looked and the seat in front her is NOT reclined, she’s just a bitch. That’s it and that’s all.
I was thinking about two hours ago that I can use a public washroom without worrying about what anyone else thinks of my bathroom experience. I wonder if she’s feeling the same type of thing as she sits there all comfortable in her reclined chair. I hope she puts it up when she’s supposed to. If the light comes on I almost feel like being that person who calls for the attendant so that I can request she put her seat back forward while the seatbelt sign is on because I’ll feel that my safety is at risk. I wonder how well that will go over. I bet she freaks out. I thought it was funny in my thoughts.
I love these moments when I feel like a kid all over again, but with humour and honestly.
I’m almost ready to stop typing on the table on the direct back of her chair. Let’s see if it’s even possible with her head nearly in my lap. Joke’s on me, it’s actually much more comfortable for me to type this way. I wish she would have taken the hint. I would love it if we had phones and could call each other in the seats that do not permit you to talk to the person near you with your head in your lap. I would ask the person two rows ahead of me to please recline their seat as far back as possible and then continue to recline even when it’s not possible so that she would see exactly what she has put me through. I wonder if she’s even experienced this type of invasion of privacy? I guess this goes back to me not knowing everyone else’s story.
Okay, that silly bitch! I just got up to use the washroom. Upon my return I decided I would nonchalantly check out space hog in front of me. She’s leaning forward so much because her chair back is too far back and she can’t see the screen well enough! She’s just being a space hog bitch. Dang.

The flight back has been much more pleasant, so far. There is no one sitting in front of me insisting on putting the seat back as far as he/she possibly can. All I know is, I enjoyed an hilarious film, “Fubar 2” 
and then a quickly little nap, about 1.5 hours, and now I’m going to get my second coffee for free on the flight. No booze this time. Today is a money saving day for sure. I will enjoy something to eat at the airport in Vancouver and if I can find that other book for Canada Reads, I’m going to purchase it for sure.
This morning I had a bit of a freak out because I thought I had lost my cheque.
I just watched the plane lady put the ice scoop directly into this person’s cup that already had pop in it! I would have asked for a different cup of pop myself. She then put the scoop back into the ice tray. I hope the woman she’s working with will point out her error to her. THEN, the travesty that befell myself; she never filled up my cup with coffee. I got about 2/3 of a cup and they are small cups to begin with. The nerve. Then, she never gave me a napkin – must be a cost saving measure; not handing out napkins, giving less than full cups of coffee, and just being gross enough to veer those of us with a sensitive pallet away from ordering anything else that we may be entitled to for free. Sure, now that I write entitled to, they will take away the free juice, pop, water, coffee, tea.  
I wrote this while I was heading to and back from Ottawa, Ontario. I have been home for about a month and took the time to write again and found it. 

14 December 2010

Whilst Building a Fire

So, I built a fire today and had some type of epiphany with respect to living and helping and all that jazz. As I was balling up the newspaper and then picking out the perfect quarter piece and then choosing out the kindling I knew that the fire would start pretty quick. My problem with the whole fire thing is getting too confident that the fire is ready to handle more wood than it's ready for.
Ah ha, I had my moment. I realized that putting too much wood on a fire is going to just snuff it out entirely. And there you have it: Don't put too much wood on your fire or you're just going to snuff it out and then you only end up with a whole bunch of smoke and no flames. You have to be patient and then gradually put more and more wood on the fire, when the fire is going strong you aren't going to suffocate. I guess that would be something along the lines of when life is going strong you can take on the world and burn it into something you can use. Not too many people can use smoke - unless they are trying to pull magic tricks or suffocate.

12 November 2010

This week is brought to you by....

JONSI - click the link to listen to a fantastic song by Jonsi. These guys or this guy sings the credit's song on the movie, "How to Train Your Dragon." I loved that movie. When the song came on, I downloaded the soundtrack and then listened to Jonsi. I downloaded the album, Go and gave the entire thing 5 stars. Okay, I lie, I did give one song four stars, but overall the album is a five. Give it a listen to. You know what's even cooler? He's super popular in Japan and AND he's from Reykjavik. So, yeah, he's cool for sure.

Other news - I'm not going to do NaNoWriMo this month...or more likely, I'm not going to finish it in this month. I started writing out my ideas and then got too caught up on characters and stuff like that instead of just getting to it. I am happy though. I had a great idea come out of it. I'm researching the topic right now. I'm thinking I'm going to have a Celtic Holiday (Holy Day) all wrapped up into characters in a book. Their birthdays will all fall on the four major and minor holidays. I'm thinking it could be something like a romantic comedy meets Celtic Gods and Goddesses just in the shadows. So, I have one character all ready to go - Brigit or Bridge as her friends call her and I'm working on the others. I didn't realize how much research I would have to do. I'm really having fun with this one. If you or someone you know knows anything about Pagan/Celtic traditions, please don't hesitate :o)

03 November 2010

Dental Hygienist

Ah, the wonderful dentist. I called yesterday to book a quick appointment to see what is really bothering my front tooth. Well, okay, it's not the front tooth, but the one right beside the front tooth on the right hand side. My teeth aren't the straightest or prettiest teeth on the planet, but they have always been quite healthy. Anyhow, I was there waiting for my appointment while I was reading
Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll.


I'm enjoying the book so far. I was going to lend it out to the kids I work with at the youth custody facility, but apparently they have already read it. I was also going to bring in the film for day program one day - however, I'm not sure if I will be judged by the other staff for bringing in another video that has some stuff in it that the kids might gain from. Okay, that was not fair. I guess it depends on who's working and stuff like that. So, I will probably bring it in one day for them to watch, but I have to watch it before I bring it in. I know that it is a heavy video with some pretty extreem topics, but it's nothing that these guys haven't either seen or been through in their lives.




Back to the dental appointment. The dentist said that he can't tell what's going on with my tooth and to go back in a week if there is anything that he can find. Apparently, my teeth are still quite healthy as well as the gums.
I had murderous thoughts about the dental hygienist however. She did the cleaning. She put me through pain. It is my fault. If I didn't take care of my mouth as I should have. I get it now. I understand. I get it. I will ensure that I floss my teeth and brush a few times each day - for at least one week. It's like I get scared that all of my teeth are going to fall out and I know that I have to care for my mouth. I know that the heath of our mouths/teeth/whathaveyou is a direct link to the way we care for ourselves, so I have to be better. I'm going to try my best. The dental hygienist is there to let us know what we are doing wrong and they put us through pain so that they can really drive home their point. I'm wondering if these people go to school for this so that they can hurt other people and get paid for it. That might be it. I had much more profound words to write before I started and now I'm at a loss. Bottom line: she is a sadist.

What song should I end this with? How about something super obscure and not very related to the above. I guess it could be related with respect to the youth I work with:

Bone Thugs and Harmony: These are the Days of our Lives.

01 November 2010

01 November is day one of NaNoWriMo

Today is a crazy day for me. I have to work and I have to be present and I have to write approximately 1,700 words. Today, I begin the National Novel Writing Month that is November. I have yet to determine a topic or even a character outline. I am not sure at this point what will fall from my brain to my fingertips.
I will end this now with a song from,...hmmm...how about Passion Pit!

28 October 2010

Music Moments

I absolutely love being in my house. I love listening to my favourite music on shuffle and just sitting back playing on the computer, reading my pick of the week Graphic Novel, and doing whatever I want whenever I want to. I love it.
Today's adventure brought me outside riding my bicycle while my dog ran alongside for the most part. After that, I picked up her crap and realized that having a dog can teach you a bunch about life. If you keep on top of the shit throughout the year, you aren't floating in it in the spring. Also, if you let the shit pile too high, you are resentful of yourself and taking time for yourself. I tend to get pissed off at myself when I let shit pile up be it proverbial or literal. So, I learned something today as well.
After I picked up the poop, I started a fire. Then, I went outside to fill up the wood bin with some quarter pieces, full logs, and split wood for kindling.

Once seated in a warm home with Hellboy, Vol 2: Wake the Devil, I turned on the kettle for a gross cup of instant coffee. All the while, my favourite songs have been playing in the background. I even got a phone call from the love of my life - hereafter referred to as loml.

Hellboy is a pretty good series so far. I've only read the first one. I have seen both movies and they made me giggle, so I thought for sure these series of books would make me laugh even more.

I'm also reading The Grand Design and am really enjoying it. I have found a few sections left me laughing out loud and realizing that I'm a nerd and I get nerd humour. I gather this is a draw to Stephen Hawking. He has a way to include the layperson in on the grand scheme of it all. In reference to the second question asked in the book: Are there any exceptions to the laws, i.e., miracles? Hawking and Mlodinow write, "Plato and Aristotle, the most influential ancient Greek writers, held that there can be no exceptions to the laws. But if one takes the biblical view, then God not only created the laws but can be appealed to by prayer to make exceptions - to heal the terminally ill, to bring premature ends to droughts, or to reinstate croquet as an Olympic sport." So funny, right?

Well, procrastination aside, I should conclude this update and return to the house work I have been avoiding all day. It is now nearly 1430hrs and RaRaRiot are playing a suitable cleaning to song.
I hope you enjoy your day and your company as much as I am this fine autumn afternoon.


24 October 2010

Travelling VIA Rail

Hello! It has been some time now hasn't it? I am sitting in executive/business/supersaver/free-booze-n-food business class in old jogging pants (which were never worn for jogging) and a hooded sweatshirt designed by Douglas Coupland with a Roots label.
The past month has been filled with travel adventure. Time spent on personal development at The Haven. I completed another session of Come Alive which brought lots of insight and future promise. I realized a dream and I am going to pursue it (at least I plan to in this moment).
The second portion of the travelling was dedicated to PSAC (Public Service Alliance of Canada) meetings in Ottawa.
The third adventure consisted of spending time with family and promising to be a positive role model and teacher to my Godson. In that promise I am to provide support to his parents and assist in his spiritual development. I am sure I am supposed to be advocating and promoting a positive Catholic view. I can do this so long as I am able to promote the love Jesus speaks of in the bible and leave the nit-picky rules laid out by the more conservative factions of the faith. However, if it comes down to it, I will promote the vision and direction his parents are most adamant (not the right word, I can't think of it at the moment) towards.
Bon.
My dream? To be a counsellor. At Haven. Somewhere people want to hear the stuff I am so passionate about. I fear I put my thoughts out there too much for people. I think I come across as self-righteous and I am trying to figure out how to share without being annoying. I think I'm failing with some and with others they enjoy it. I am sure if I could be a counsellor the people I would talk to would want to hear my feedback. In fact, they would ask for it. Even if they didn't like what I said, I would be okay because they would have asked for it. I'm trying to strike a balance with family. I have done a lot of reading and studying on communication and what works and what does not, but for some reason - okay here is the self-righteousness - they don't always want to hear what I have to say.
I don't know what to do with what I have been taught. It gets to be so difficult when other people don't want to play by the same rules of communication. I wish there was more of this type of conflict arising situations practiced at the Haven. Maybe they get into more detail with these types of difficulties during phase 1. I hope to be participating in Phase 1 next fall - or winter - or spring.
I'm two drinks in on the VIA train to Toronto.
I arrived home safe and sound after about eight hours in transit. During the second half of the trip from Toronto to Ottawa, they had to fill the train with passengers from another scheduled train because the tracks they were supposed to travel via (get it via Via?) was dealing with a derailment. Awesome.

Okay - I'm still on track with the dream.
Mild annoyance during travel? I was question every time I went through the first class line ups because of my attire. Okay, I know, I know, I brought it on myself - what did I think? Did I truly believe that wearing worn jogging pants and an ill-fitted t-shirt covered by a hooded sweatshirt with thumb holes would say to people: "Now there's a first class rider?" I didn't.

What was I reading? 

I actually met the Gerry Fewster who wrote Don't Let Your Kids be Normal when I was at The Haven. Nice man. He signed my book, "To Lisa, who is obviously not normal." AWESOME. :o)

17 June 2010

Where do you find your solitude?

Solitude is a strange and wonderful creature. We (collective humans) are social creatures by nature - by mamillian standards. Why is it we crave solidute - by we I mean - collective humans? We spend thousands of dollars to enjoy the moments of solitude we do have together. We do not spend that kind of money on social extravaganzas but maybe events like weddings or funerals perhaps.
We buy things like comfortable cars, all terrain vehicles, motorcycles, homes and all that is included inside to be shared by yourself or by a few select others in your family or close knit friend group, and on other things too like computers, musical instruments (arguably for all to share and enjoy - however only played by one a time), computers, music (the listening, not playing sort), education, etc...
So, where have the days of spending our money on social gatherings gone? Were they ever really there? I wonder - socializing really isn't something that one would spend great deals of gold on. Perhaps if we could the amount of money spent to visit with family - wait, that doesn't count as spending 'real' money. In my eyes, visiting family is a necessity, not a commodity one purchases.

26 May 2010

Oh the Wonderful, Glorious World of Procrastination

I can’t believe it. I am sitting here finally realizing my dreams, yet I take the long way to the end. I guess it feels like cheating really. I don’t do any work until the last possible second before not being able to finish on time.

I do this with everything I do. For example: Today, I was cleaning the house. i knew that my goals were to accomplish the questions for Chapter 10 Review, clean the house, take Moksha for a bike ride, and download music. I did it all - I just did it all within a long day instead of finishing everything within the two hours it could have taken me.

1. I didn’t get out of bed until 11am. I woke up at 930am. I turned on the computer and started checking all my RSS feeds. I think put the music on itunes, settled into the covers, adjusted my pillows, and got sucked into “bouncing balls” on facebook. This game will be the bane of my existence until I pass level 7. It is not possible - everyone comments about it’s impossibility, I am not alone. Maybe that’s why I play. I play because I don’t want to be alone in my struggles.

:)

Okay, fine, I’m a procrastinator extraordinaire. I’m even typing up a “life explaining/self indulgent” blog to avoid doing homework! I’m going to go crazy in the month of June when I should be relaxing and studying for the final. It’s not even the middle of May yet and I’m already planning to be busy in June instead of accepting that the best option would be to get busy NOW so that if anything goes awry I will be able to still have time to finish.

I think I have ADD.

I’m not kidding. Would you like to hear about how I clean the house?

First, I make the bed when I wake up. Second, I set up the dishes and get my coffee ready to brew. I then go and use the washroom. I will get the cleaning supplies from the back room and then spray down the shower and toilet and sink. I close the door. I think about washing the dishes and enjoying my coffee when I get distracted by that Gad Dang “Bouncing Balls” game. Then I might find something interesting I have to either tweet or retweet or blog about or share on facebook. Then, I do the dishes and set goals before I can look at the computer again.

I started all the cleaning at 11am and did not finish until 1600hrs. Well, 1630hrs. I wanted to be done by 1600 because Boston was playing against the Flyers. Boston lost in OT after an exciting tie in the final thirty seconds of the regular game. So, what could have taken me maybe two hours, took me five and a half.

In that time I also called my boss to let her know some of the collective bargaining benefits and then I called “Leaf" who was working in the control room and then I called someone at the probation office to let them know what was going on for collective bargaining. I spoke with Linda a couple of times as well.

Now, I sit on the couch with Linda watching lame television and unable to concentrate on the school work in front of me. I will do the work - just on my own time. I hate that I start to get all anti-self when I procrastinate and then do that exact thing I hate. Argh. I realized ADD might be true when I was standing up at the counter playing with it and then slowly inching over to the dishes and drying my hands and then working on some review questions and the thinking I should dust upstairs leaving the dishes and then I put something in the garbage and realize I should take out the trash. I decide to gather all the garbage throughout the house and get side-tracked at my guitar for about fifteen minutes. I shake my head, take the garbage out and then finish the dishes. It’s like I try and trick myself into getting everything done all at once a little bit at a time.

Speaking of lame television - Medium: The Sixth Season. I hate Ariel Dubois. She annoys me. Her acting seems somewhat forced...or perhaps because she annoys me so much she is a really good actress. Anyhow, I was annoyed with this episode because it was all about Ariel. I had it figured out within the first five minutes and it took at least fifty minutes to get to the obvious. This is happening more and more with Medium. I wonder if they will be done soon. Ho hum, as much as I hate it, I love it at the same time. I look forward to it every Friday. Could it simply be Patricia Arquette? Stigmata - Patricia Arquette - Original Movie Photo Print - 8 x 10 I’m beginning to think so.

24 May 2010

Creativity linked to mental health

Creativity linked to mental health

I wonder how many collective, “duhs” are happening around the world right now. I like that they have done the study to prove this for creative types thinking they may be crazy...in fact it seems they almost are. I wonder where the thalamus regulation is tripped to allow the lowered D2 - or you know, whatever the article said. Okay, the question I have really is: Why are some afflicted with schizophrenia and others are gifted with creativity? I suppose both could be one in the same just expressed differently. There is another article I’m going to read on the actual study.

07 May 2010

6 months in open custody for Sask. driver who killed 3 teens

6 months in open custody for Sask. driver who killed 3 teens

I guess we never really get the entire story when we read the headlines and then the few paragraph explanation. If there was a joint submission from both Crown and Defence, my bet is that there are some underlying circumstances.
What is the cost for a human life? For three for that matter. If you know the answer, you should tell people.

06 May 2010

Indie Music’s awesome.

I love indie music. I love it. It’s so relaxed and tells such a nice story. I’m listening to “The French Semester” right now - they are so awesome. And this other band, they are called “Freelance Whales”.

Okay, crux of it is this:
I’ve finally taken a break from work - like a break you know. I’m doing a new job and it’s with the same kids and staff, but I’m taking a break. I was in it Monday through Friday - 8am until 430pm. I started to hate it. I really liked the kids and the job overall, but I was getting tired of the bureaucracy of it all. I was tired of trying out new things. I wanted an established routine with times and expectations laid out. I wanted to work with a team of people who all have the same job I do. I love it. That and I get five days off in a row after working four - yeah, they are 12 hour shifts granted, but then you are done your hours. I really don’t enjoy the night shifts, I do enjoy the seeming alone time when running control or monitoring - there is time to research information I really care about and to study. I can also write. I guess I could have done all that in my other job, but I was selfish. I wanted to have everything. I wanted to have days off with my partner so that we could enjoy full days off in a row instead of just one day one week and two days the next week. Now, we get way more time off together. And, I don’t have to do my homework or writing when we are together - it’s nice that I can if I want to though! Life is good.

So, I was going to write about how with a long break from the reality of the other job for about six months, I’m able to finally get to know myself again. I was so focused on trying to do the right job and make myself some duties I would love to take on, I just had to let that go - the job was becoming my identity and that was not good for me. I did discover that I actually like some hip hop and rap music. I like the beat and there is a lot of good out there. So, anyhow, when I got to know myself again, I realized that hip hop is NOT in fact my favourite genre of music. I like indie music that’s first, then maybe I don’t know yet - still getting to know who I am.

So, now I am getting to know my identity - if that makes any sense at all - and I do what I want and it’s working. I love my new job - it is just great. I work with the same youth, the same coworkers, and I have time for family and friends. It’s all happening. It’s all happening.

Another great album I downloaded - “The Bad Weather” - Horehound and their latest: Sea of Cowards. I love this album. There is one song that catches me every time I listen to it - Jack White makes the guitar sing like a person in tis own right. Unbelievable. I kind of feel like I should be in a weed cloudy room with a bunch of records out and cigarette butts piled high on a wooden coffee table - in one of those crazy old ceramic ashtrays that were so huge and they were never emptied until after the party. You knew it was a good party when the ashtray was emptied prior to the last guest leaving...not that smoking is acceptable anymore. However, when I listen to Sea Of Cowards (180 Gram Vinyl), I don’t feel like being acceptable.

05 May 2010

Another Gem from Dr. Mate

share

I tried the “share” thing offered on the website where I drew this information from. The article is primarily about the childhood epidemic of obesity. Very interesting read.

The more and more I read of Dr. Gabor Mate’s work, the more I really connect with what he has to say. This latest article is once again about bringing it back to our childhoods and hopefully bringing it back to the childhoods of our children in the here and now teaching us what we can do to lessen the effects of our own trauma, loss, parental depression, etc...so that the effects are not as reaching in our own children.

It’s not about blaming our parents or even their parents, or your parents - it’s about accepting that these things work in cycles and trying our best to deal with our “stuff” so we can take care of the generation right now.

I hope you get something from the article. I know I have.

Posted using ShareThis

03 May 2010

Don’t Project on me (DPOM)

I finally understand what it means when people say, “Don’t project your shit on me (DPOM).” I mean I think they get it the same way I do - I could be wrong, but that’s not the debate right now. I did it again, I projected this mysterious ‘they’ person onto the wall and had a conversation with myself. By they, I mean me.
I see the DPOM highlighting in something like this. I kind of put it together in my head after attending the Dr. Gabor Mate lecture/conference/what-have-you event regarding When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress a few weeks ago and after thinking about the after work drink talk with friends (not colleagues) and the topic got a little heavy. All I could think was, 'there is something here - there is a conversation gem I’m going to find when I rewind my day and think about it.' I found it on my bike ride tonight with my dog, Moksha. I was thinking about how we try to 'take care of’ people by voicing what we think they might be thinking and/or feeling and/or so in the dark about who they are as people they have no idea and I have to tell them. Anyhow, people are people and deserve to be held accountable for their lives. I feel like I’m learning a magic trick almost every day.

I seem to find that some of these strategies work when I speak with people. We can really listen to the them. Gabor Mate’s books and the talk I heard helped me put a few puzzle pieces together. I might be totally twisting his thoughts and bending them in a direction I can follow - however, I think I’m getting to the same location relatively unscathed.

Okay, point being - I can’t believe I babbled on all that time. Okay, I really can - I’ve been doing it all day it feels. Okay, again - point being:

1. We aren’t really mad about what we are mad about - mad about what we say we are mad about that is. I can’t think of an example re: something that I’ve been mad about lately. Okay, here’s one: I show up to work and one of the guys I cross shift with isn’t super chipper and seemed to maybe have left with a slight of my person aura around him.

2. You are so ‘mad’ or caught up in a thought canyon that doesn’t want to listen to your intellectual reasoning and you end up having 2:14 am etched into your brain when the alarm - or ipod song choice of Lady Gaga’s “Starstruck” - sounds louder than you remember having set it for, reminds you that you must be up by 5:15 because you forgot to get gas afterwork and you might have to walk a little to get to the nearest station and make it to work by 7am. I’m tired.

3. You, hypothetically, arrive to work without a hitch only to find said ‘must be pissed at me for such and such (which I’ll address later) and it’s not warranted ‘cause he’s projecting’ man is chipper and happy and laughing and fun again.

4. Let’s say you get home from work after heavy conversation, unwinding from a work day with someone you love, and walking your dog - and you happen to think about adults being adults and loving themselves and others enough to let them take care of themselves and you can simply relax and care for them - and you realize... "Holy f-bomb, I can’t believe I was totally projecting on (insert coworker name) when I was the one that was not in positive/logical frame about them. I’m the jerk and I saw it in his eyes when I saw him for the first time after having the negativity swarm.”* It doesn’t matter what he thinks about me at any given time, it’s about what I think of me at all times.

5. Accepting that you are human and noting the lesson learned and making a promise to remember this chapter when it happens again - because it will.

More and more mad props (mad in a good way this time) to Francoise Mathieu and all her great work re: Compassion Fatigue. http://www.blogger.com/profile/08893009698188488202

Blessed be the people and the grounds at Haven on Gabriola Island, BC. Blessed is their communication model.

Come Alive with Linda Nicholls and David Raithby - Joanne and Graham - helped me pull myself from the mud with both my boots filling up but still on my feet.

Equally chilling in my mind is that I just finished reading - a couple days ago - a blog that I’m following called, “Seth’s Blog” and he had a similar lesson-like blog about this exact thing. Thanks Seth! It’s amazing how when we are ready for the teacher the challenge to understand is called into the ring. http://sethgodin.typepad.com/

* such and such = not agreeing with something he believed to be true because it went against my logical reasoning. Doesn’t mean I’m right, doesn’t mean he’s wrong, just means I was projecting.

29 April 2010

Music filled day topped off with Mouton Cadet Bordeaux

We were also enjoying a Malaysian Chicken curry I cooked up this afternoon before my partner got home. It was delicious. I'm not much of a cook, but I have to admit I am getting much better. This schedule of four on and five off is fantastic. I have more time to learn how to do things like cook.

Survivor was on tonight - bah. Amanda got voted out and she was mine and now she's gone and now I am not going to win - craptastic. I'm trying to figure out how to go about putting in a link with a word like the fancy folks I follow can do. I'll figure it out one day. I have no idea what 'mime' thingy is with the enclosure links.

King Russell may have fudged on using the hidden idol and now he's going to have figure out what's what with Parvati and Danielle. Next week definitely looks more interesting than this week's for sure.

Currently reading: Bloodsucking Fiends the second time. Damn, I wish I knew how to do the fancy html stuff. I would have a link for the book if you clicked on it. One day my friends, one day. I’ll have to ask my coworker on my night shift.

My goodness, I have been going crazy listening to music over the past couple of days. I have discovered the old new band Dr. Dog and I’ve rediscovered Emm Gryner Also been listening to Camera Obscura Courtney Love, Pavement (because I said that I liked that someone was going to see them in concert as if I were a huge fan as well and realized that I know nothing about this band), and 30 Seconds to Mars, and M. Ward  he’s so awesome.

I FIGURED IT OUT Bitches...that seems to be the thing to say now-adays - bitches. So, now I know how to do it and can eventually do this much faster - you know the whole link in a word thing...who would have thought all I had to do was hit the link button after highlighting what I wanted to allow someone to link to somewhere else. Oh the internet is getting to be so much fun.

Test 1, 2...

Just trying this out. I read this article and thought it was pretty great. I have been trying to do this in my life at the moment. You know, Dr. Gabor Mate has stated that the way we have protected ourselves in the past, in our childhoods, may have once been affective, but now they are most likely not. Those negative thoughts that circle and dive above your confidence like a vulture in the summer heat will not do you any favours now. So, buck up and come up with some new, positive thoughts to sail you through the day.
Today, before leaving my house I did an eight minute meditation. In ten minutes I was able to focus my thoughts toward the positive and back to me and my day to day. What it means to be me once again became highlighted. I'm having more and more of these days lately. The meditation was purchased on itunes for a buck (completely worth it) from a compilation entitled: Living Meditation, Vol. 2: Guided Meditations with David Harshada Wagner.

28 April 2010

V

It's getting crazy on V right now. Will the hybrid baby be saved? I can't remember anything from when I watched it as a kid. I'm getting annoyed by the main female character - I can't even remember her name or be bothered to look it up. I'm sure it isn't her personally - I'm sure it's how they have her acting. I get annoyed whenever she looks down at her son's embassy jacket realizing that there is a camera watching their every move.
I also get annoyed with how every time Anna or the journalist is making a sneak attack - when they walk away they look to the camera for a second so that we know that they know that we know. We get it.
I still love it. I love listening to all the ominous music and hearing the surround sound in my house do its thing. Awesome. Also, it is in high definition which helps a lot.
Anna is going to be pissed when she finds out her daughter is a reptile capable of feeling human emotions. Or is she? Or isn't she? Or does Anna already know? Is Anna the real head of the Fifth Column? So many questions left to be answered in a few short episodes. At least I hope it sticks to the way it was - I mean, of course, it has already deviated by having more than four episodes. Bah, I haven't done enough research online to know if these plans are already in the know. I'm just an average gal with questions I only sort of want the answers to.
I have to give props where props are due: My partner suggests that the word of year is: hybrid. I concur.

27 April 2010

Survivor meets NHL

Hello! Weekly (give or take) I have been updating the group at work participating in our inner office Survivor lottery. Lots neglect to watch and others like to be caught up - I like to write them.
This year has been crazy on Survivor - King Russell is about to share some words with Queen Parvati for sure. He shouldn't be annoyed though - she did save the Villains' safety of five with her hidden idol. What a brilliant move on her part. She's regained favour - above Russell I should say - of Sandra and Jerri. This could be interesting to say the least. Russell seems to be a bit choked in the "scenes from next week".

JT you are so trusting! I would have liked to have seen him in the game for a bit longer - I guess he had to go now so that one of the other power players can win. I wonder if Amanda will side with the villains in order to secure at least 6th? She might be able to do something like this if she plays it proper. She's going to have to tell Parvati that she was trying to tip her off to do something along those lines in the first place. Parv isn't stupid so I don't know if she'll go for it or not. Maybe just for fun because she will keep her since Amanda's going to have to 'win back her trust'. I don't know what's going to happen - Amanda was my draw in the lottery at work. She's got to do something soon - I'm fearing she is in the same league as Danielle when it comes to being necessary around camp. I wish we got to see more than a glimpse of what's going on. Or we could see alternate edits.

HEY that sounds like a fun contest - they should have a Survivor challenge for film makers/editors to gather all the footage taken and make their own six half hour episodes or something like that from each season as a reunion type box set. I think they should do it. I think the Survivor people would really gain a lot by doing something like that - they could provide the winner with college money or a car or something. Make the contest open to professionals, students, and aspiring and mash it all together in a box set.

I digress...

The WINGS played an amazing game tonight! Aucoin won the oscar for best NOT a penalty, penalty call. I would have been furious. Oh well, that can't explain the devastating loss the Coyotes may never recover from - 6 to 1 Red Wings stole it - right after that not penalty, penalty call, the Coyotes had over a minute of a two man advantage and they couldn't do a thing about it. The Wings were on fire...I could be a bit muddled with my interpretation of the hockey game since I am new to following it. There is another office lottery type thing going on at work. I can't find the sheets with my players on it at the moment. I'll find that and start paying closer attention and provide updates on my status. We were to pick twenty players and two goalies. We get a point per goal and assist and a point per each game won by the goalie and two points if they win by shut out.

Survivor picks: TOP 2 - Parvati and Russell would be awesome. I don't think it'll happen though. Only one of them will be there for final 2, final 3. I hope Danielle isn't there. Nothing personal Danielle, I just haven't seen what you are doing. I guess it was pretty great of you to stand up to Parvati for individual immunity - she calls you her lady in waiting...

Enough - time to get to the television to watch, "V". I love that show. Good feeling memories - also known as 'implicit' memory. I remember really nothing of the show when it was on when I was a kid, but I do have emotion attached to it.

26 April 2010

Walking the Maze in Reverse

I'm going to try and set this up in a much nicer way in the future. The future is subject to individual timelines so best not to make an assumption mine matches yours'. Also, beware of my inability to craft the English language in an educated, grammatical way. Luckily, my macbook pro (version just the other day generation) underlines the spelling errors until I guess correct.

The title, "Walking the Maze in Reverse" is a reference to a thirty-somethings' response to learning about life in a textbook and walking the life maze, as it were, without children. Without children or child free? I prefer child free. Many of us learn lessons in life and can reflect them back to ourselves through our children. However, those of us who are child free may not venture down this path of personal growth until later. At least this is the case for me. And I don't even know what I mean by 'until later'. I don't even know what it is I'm learning here half the time, but I do know that the people and experiences I have had the opportunity to participate in can not be coincidental - not all of it.

My life has changed dramatically and stayed seemingly the same to many. I have switched career carriers from a steady 9-5 Monday to Friday situation to a 4 on 5 off scenario with day and night shifts. This is a huge life change for me and those close to me. I am not home pretty much four days out of nine and am a near zombie for at least one of the five. I'm happier - I'm creating. I'm writing, I'm learning, and I'm reading. I'm also playing the guitar for better or for worse as the cliche goes (is that a cliche?).

Enough for one day - wouldn't want to over-share on this first post.